| The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. Jerry Seinfeld Comedy |
| More from Jerry Seinfeld |
| Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Jerry Seinfeld |
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| Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur. Jerry Seinfeld |
| "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." Jerry Seinfeld |
| There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld |
| Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Jerry Seinfeld |
| It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld |
| Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it." Jerry Seinfeld |
| There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." Jerry Seinfeld |
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| A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld |
| There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld |
| More in the Comedy category |
| The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it ... try to fake three laughs in an hour—ha ha ha ha ha—they’ll take you away, man. You can’t. Lenny Bruce Comedy |
| Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway. Eric Idle Comedy |
| At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted. Eric Idle Comedy |
| A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. Ludwig Wittgenstein Comedy |
| There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. Groucho Marx Comedy |
| Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others. Saint Augustine Comedy |
| There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb himself. Andrew Carnegie Comedy |
| Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. Edmund Burke Comedy |
| Great men are the guideposts and landmarks in the state. Edmund Burke Comedy |
| A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. Henry Ford Comedy |
