| The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.' Jack Handey Stupidity |
| More from Jack Handey |
| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. Jack Handey |
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| Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Jack Handey |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey |
| The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Jack Handey |
| If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that. Jack Handey |
| It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. Jack Handey |
| Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handey |
| Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. Jack Handey |
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| If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. Jack Handey |
| Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Jack Handey |
| More in the Stupidity category |
| Brilliance is typically the act of an individual, but incredible stupidity can usually be traced to an organization. Jon Bentley Stupidity |
| Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Nick Diamos Stupidity |
| To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. Voltaire Stupidity |
| Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. Voltaire Stupidity |
| Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein Stupidity |
| Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Euripides Stupidity |
| It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. George Bernard Shaw Stupidity |
| There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Stupidity |
| If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Scott Adams Stupidity |
| Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Author Unknown Stupidity |
