| Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. Jack Handey Camping |
| More from Jack Handey |
| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. Jack Handey |
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| Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Jack Handey |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey |
| The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Jack Handey |
| If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that. Jack Handey |
| It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. Jack Handey |
| Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handey |
| Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. Jack Handey |
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| If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. Jack Handey |
| Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Jack Handey |
| More in the Camping category |
| Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin Camping |
| Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. Garrison Keillor Camping |
| Jews don't go camping. Life is hard enough as it is. Carol Siskind Camping |
| A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp. Raymond Duncan Camping |
| It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. Dave Barry Camping |
| Backpacking: An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need for half the distance they planned to go in twice the time it should take. Author Unknown Camping |
| How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Author Unknown Camping |
| If you're not in New York, you're camping out. Thomas E. Dewey Camping |
| Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. Jack Handey Camping |
| We now no longer camp as for a night, but have settled down on earth and forgotten heaven. Henry David Thoreau Camping |
