| Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet. Jack Handey Life |
| More from Jack Handey |
| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. Jack Handey |
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| Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Jack Handey |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey |
| The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Jack Handey |
| If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that. Jack Handey |
| It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. Jack Handey |
| Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handey |
| Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. Jack Handey |
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| If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. Jack Handey |
| Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Jack Handey |
| More in the Life category |
| If all the world is a stage and life is just a play upon it, get me two seats in the stalls. Robert Browning Life |
| Don't go through life, GROW through life. Eric Butterworth Life |
| In life, as in chess, forethought wins. Eric Butterworth Life |
| Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route. Albert Camus Life |
| Success is following the pattern of life one enjoys most. Al Capp Life |
| A well written life is almost as rare as a well spent one. Thomas Carlyle Life |
| Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. Thomas Carlyle Life |
| One life - a little gleam of Time between two Eternities. Thomas Carlyle Life |
| We are the living links in a life force that moves and plays around and through us, binding the deepest soils with the farthest stars. Alan Chadwick Life |
| The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. Dorothy Day Life |
