| If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness. Jack Handey Strength |
| More from Jack Handey |
| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. Jack Handey |
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| Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Jack Handey |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey |
| The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Jack Handey |
| If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that. Jack Handey |
| It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. Jack Handey |
| Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handey |
| Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. Jack Handey |
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| If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. Jack Handey |
| Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Jack Handey |
| More in the Strength category |
| My strength is as the strength of ten, Because my heart is pure. Alfred Lord Tennyson Strength |
| Know how sublime a thing is to suffer and be strong. Henry Wordsworth Longfellow Strength |
| He who has injured thee was stronger or weaker than thee. If weaker, spare him; if stronger, spare thyself. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Strength |
| Build for your team a feeling of oneness, of dependence on one another and of strength to be derived by unity. Vince Lombardi Strength |
| Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy. Eschylus Strength |
| Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength. Henry Ward Beecher Strength |
| The man who listens to Reason is lost; reason enslaves all whose minds are not strong enough to master her. Sir Walter Besant Strength |
| The race is not [always] to the Swift, nor the battle to the strong. The Bible Strength |
| They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. The Bible Strength |
| I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The Bible Strength |
