| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey Books |
| More from Jack Handey |
| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. Jack Handey |
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| Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Jack Handey |
| I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page Jack Handey |
| The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Jack Handey |
| If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that. Jack Handey |
| It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. Jack Handey |
| Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handey |
| Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. Jack Handey |
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| If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. Jack Handey |
| Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Jack Handey |
| More in the Books category |
| The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page. Saint Augustine Books |
| I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. John Burroughs Books |
| What we become depends on what we read after all the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is the collection of books. Thomas Carlyle Books |
| Happy the people whose annals are blank in the history books! Thomas Carlyle Books |
| I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out in a war fought with the atomic bomb. Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the Earth might be killed, but enough men capable of thinking, and enough books, would be left to start again, and civilization could be restored. Albert Einstein Books |
| Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists.... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence. Erich Fromm Books |
| If I have not read a book before, it is, for all intents and purposes, new to me whether it was printed yesterday or three hundred years ago. William Hazlitt Books |
| Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. Thomas Jefferson Books |
| A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. Chinese Proverb Books |
| The experience to be gathered from books, Though often valuable, is but of the nature of learning; Whereas the experience gained from actual life, Is of the nature of wisdom; And a small store of the latter Is worth vastly more than a stock of the former. Samuel Smiles Books |
