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God Quotes


I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humour. William Inge Quotes
I cannot imagine how the clockwork of the universe can exist without a clockmaker. Voltaire Quotes
Apart from God every activity is merely a passing whiff of insignificance. Alfred North Whitehead Quotes
God is the perfect poet. Robert Browning Quotes
God enters by a private door into each individual. Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes
Weave in faith and God will find the thread. Author Unknown Quotes
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa Quotes
God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. Elizabeth Barrett Browning Quotes
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen Quotes
How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
People see God every day, they just don't recognize him. Pearl Bailey Quotes
Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman. Author Unknown Quotes
You can tell the size of your God by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your God. Author Unknown Quotes
A man with God is always in the majority. John Knox Quotes
God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. Saint Augustine Quotes
Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed. Dr Robert H Schuller Quotes
God never made His work for man to mend. John Dryden Quotes
God is more truly imagined than expressed, and He exists more truly than He is imagined. Saint Augustine Quotes
We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us. Edgar Watson Howe Quotes
I know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. But it is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. Woody Allen Quotes
God is clever, but not dishonest. Albert Einstein Quotes
At any rate, I am convinced that He [God] does not play dice. Albert Einstein Quotes
God has two dwellings: one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart. Izaak Walton Quotes
God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. J G Holland Quotes
Live among men as if God beheld you; speak to God as if men were listening. Seneca Quotes
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen Quotes
Some would deny any legitimate use of the word God because it has been misused so much. Certainly it is the most burdened of all human words. Precisely for that reason it is the most imperishable and unavoidable. And how much weight has all erroneous talk about God's nature and works (although there never has been nor can be any such talk that is not erroneous) compared with the one truth that all men who have addressed God really meant him? For whoever pronounces the word God and really means Thou, addresses, no matter what his delusion, the true Thou of his life that cannot be restricted by any other and to whom he stands in a relationship that includes all others. Martin Buber Quotes
How would man exist if God did not need him, and how would you exist? You need God in order to be, and God needs you— for that is the meaning of your life. Martin Buber Quotes
It is as impossible for man to demonstrate the existence of God as it would be for even Sherlock Holmes to demonstrate the existence of Arthur Conan Doyle. Frederick Buechner Quotes
For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. Charles Bukowski Quotes
"Truth to me was dead, God had never lived, life was full of pain, and death was the end of life. As a young Atheist, I sincerely believed that man had created God to fill the gaps in knowledge that would never be spanned by experience, reason, or science. In 1983 the God who pursues those who deny him interrupted my existence, he captured my soul with raw love. Two decades later, God's tangible friendship still amazes me. To deny his existence I'd have to first deny my own." Alicia Britt Chole Quotes
The belief in God is not therefore based on the perception of design in nature. Belief in design in nature is based upon the belief in God. Things are as they are whether there is a God or not. Logically, to believe in design one must start with God. He, or it, is not a conclusion but a datum. You may begin by assuming a creator, and then say he did this or that; but you cannot logically say that because certain things exist, therefore there is a God who made them. God is an assumption, not a conclusion. And it is an assumption that explains nothing. Chapman Cohen Quotes
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse. Emily Dickinson Quotes
Know that when you seek anything of your own, you will never find God, because you do not seek God purely. You are seeking something along with God, and you are acting just as if you were to make a candle out of God in order to look for something with it. Once one finds the things one is looking for, one throws the candle away. This is what you are doing. Meister Eckhart Quotes
God is the Unique, and he is so perfect that he does not resemble any of the things that exist or any of the things that do not; you cannot describe him using your human intelligence, as if he were someone who becomes angry if you are bad or worries about you out of goodness, someone who has a mouth, ears, face, wings, or that is spirit, father or son, not even of himself. Of the Unique you cannot say he is or is not, he embraces all but is nothing; you can name him only through dissimilarity, because it is futile to call him Goodness, Beauty, Wisdom, Amiability, Power, Justice, it would be like calling him Bear, Panther, Serpent, Dragon, or Gryphon, because whatever you say of him you will never express him. God is not body, is not figure, is not form; he does not see, does not hear, does not know disorder and perturbation; he is not soul, intelligence, imagination, opinion, thought, word, number, order, size; he is not equality and is not inequality, is not time and is not eternity; he is a will without purpose. Try to understand, Baudolino: God is a lamp without flame, a flame without fire, a fire without heat, a dark light, a silent rumble, a blind flash, a luminous soot, a ray of his own darkness, a circle that expands concentrating on its own center, a solitary simplicity; he is...is..." She paused, seeking an example that would convince them both, she the teacher and he the pupil. "He is a space that is not, in which you and I are the same thing, as we are today in this time that doesn't flow. Umberto Eco Quotes
Few nations have been so poor as to have but one god. Gods were made so easily, and the raw material cost so little, that generally the god market was fairly glutted and heaven crammed with these phantoms. Robert G. Ingersoll Quotes
We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito. And the incognito is not always easy to penetrate. The real labor is to remember to attend. In fact to come awake. Still more to remain awake. C.S. Lewis Quotes
… let us say: 'Either God is or he is not.' But to which view shall we be inclined? Reason cannot decide this question. Infinite chaos separates us. At the far end of this infinite distance a coin is being spun which will come down heads or tails. How will you wager? Reason cannot make you choose either, reason cannot prove either wrong. . . Yes, but you must wager. There is no choice, you are already committed. Which will you choose then? . . . Let us weigh up the gain and the loss involved in calling heads that God exists. Let us assess the two cases: if you win you win everything, if you lose you lose nothing. Do not hesitate then; wager that he does exist. . . . And thus, since you are obliged to play, you must be renouncing reason if you hoard your life rather than risk it for an infinite gain, just as likely to occur as a loss amounting to nothing… Thus our argument carries infinite weight, when the stakes are finite in a game where there are even chances of winning and losing and an infinite prize to be won. Blaise Pascal Quotes
“…truth again is beginning to shine, and they who are honest in heart will behold its heavenly light and rejoice; yea, many have beheld it, and not only beheld, but embraced, and are greatly rejoicing that God is unchangeable, that his Spirit is the same today as yesterday and forever, and that the voice of inspiration is again heard in the land as in olden times. Who could have supposed five years ago that truth would have spread so rapid for whether we look to the east, or to the west, to the north or to the south, we perceive its mighty progress, upheld by the hand of Omnipotence--it moves in majesty and power, and continues its steady course, pulling down the strong holds of Babylon, and leaving her mighty towers, exposing the creeds, systems and inventions of men, exhibiting the extreme ignorance, follies and errors of all sects, which causes their priests to rage and their mighty ones to tremble.” Orson Pratt Quotes
"I was six when I saw that everything was God, and my hair stood up, and all," Teddy said. "It was on a Sunday, I remember. My sister was a tiny child then, and she was drinking her milk, and all of a sudden I saw that she was God and the milk was God. I mean, all she was doing was pouring God into God, if you know what I mean." J.D. Salinger Quotes
I had been playing with matches and burned a small rug. I was in the process of covering up my crime when suddenly God saw me. I felt His gaze inside my head and on my hands....I flew into a rage against so crude an indiscretion, I blasphemed....He never looked at me again....I had the more difficulty getting rid of Him [the Holy Ghost] in that He had installed Himself at the back of my head....I collared the Holy Ghost in the cellar and threw Him out. Jean-Paul Sartre Quotes
The existentialist…finds it extremely embarrassing that God does not exist, for there disappears with Him all possibility of finding values in an intelligible heaven. There can no longer be any good a priori, since there is no infinite and perfect consciousness to think it. It is nowhere written that “the good” exists, that one must be honest or must not lie, since we are now upon the plane where there are only men. Dostoevsky once wrote "if God did not exist, everything would be permitted"; and that, for existentialism, is the starting point. Everything is indeed permitted if God does not exist, and man is in consequence forlorn, for he cannot find anything to depend upon either within or outside himself. He discovers forthwith, that he is without excuse. For if indeed existence precedes essence, one will never be able to explain one’s action by reference to a given and specific human nature; in other words, there is no determinism — man is free, man is freedom. Nor, on the other hand, if God does not exist, are we provided with any values or commands that could legitimise our behaviour. Thus we have neither behind us, nor before us in a luminous realm of values, any means of justification or excuse. — We are left alone, without excuse. That is what I mean when I say that man is condemned to be free. Condemned, because he did not create himself, yet is nevertheless at liberty, and from the moment that he is thrown into this world he is responsible for everything he does. Jean-Paul Sartre Quotes
In conclusion, there is a marvelous anecdote from the occasion of Russell's ninetieth birthday that best serves to summarize his attitude toward God and religion. A London lady sat next to him at this party, and over the soup she suggested to him that he was not only the world's most famous atheist but, by this time, very probably the world's oldest atheist. "What will you do, Bertie, if it turns out you're wrong?" she asked. "I mean, what if -- uh -- when the time comes, you should meet Him? What will you say?" Russell was delighted with the question. His bright, birdlike eyes grew even brighter as he contemplated this possible future dialogue, and then he pointed a finger upward and cried, "Why, I should say, 'God, you gave us insufficient evidence.'" Al Seckel Quotes
Life by life and love by love
We passed through the cycles strange,
And breath by breath and death by death
We followed the chain of change.
Till there came a time in the law of life
When over the nursing sod
The shadows broke and the soul awoke
In a strange, dim dream of God. Langdon Smith Quotes
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him." Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet) Quotes
"All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God." Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet) Quotes
God is a comic, playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh. Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet) Quotes
Since open-mindedness and experimentation are supposed to be the indispensable attributes of our 'scientific' civilization, it seems strange that so many scientists are reluctant to try out personally the hypothesis that God came first and man afterward. They prefer to believe that man is the chance product of evolution; that God, the Creator, does not exist. I can only report that I have experimented with both concepts and that, in my case, the God concept has proved to be a better basis for living than the man-centered one. Nevertheless, I would be the first to defend your right to think as you will. I simply ask this question: in your own life, have you ever really tried to think and act as though there might be a God? Have you experimented? Bill Wilson Quotes
Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. Mary C. Crowley Quotes
God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. St. Augustine Quotes
Young man, young man, your arm's too short to box with God. James Weldon Johnson Quotes
God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. Author Unknown Quotes
What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God. Eleanor Powell Quotes
Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees. Victor Hugo Quotes
You can tell the size of your God by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your God. Author Unknown Quotes
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. Jules Renard Quotes
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C.S. Lewis Quotes
The soul can split the sky in two and let the face of God shine through. Edna St. Vincent Millay Quotes
God is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button to get things done. Harry Emerson Fosdick Quotes
The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too. Teresa of Avila Quotes
God's last name is not "Dammit." Author Unknown Quotes
Once one has seen God, what is the remedy? Sylvia Plath, "Mystic" Quotes
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen Quotes
Clearly, God is a Democrat. Patrick Caddell Quotes
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain Quotes
But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things. Vincent van Gogh Quotes
No matter how much I prove and prod,
I cannot quite believe in God;
But oh, I hope to God that He
Unswervingly believes in me.
E.Y. Harburg, attributed Quotes
People see God every day, they just don't recognize him. Pearl Bailey Quotes
God's will is not an itinerary, but an attitude. Andrew Dhuse Quotes
Let God's promises shine on your problems. Corrie Ten Boom Quotes
I just hope God does not get bored of dreaming me. Author Unknown Quotes
By night, an atheist half believes in God. Edward Young Quotes
Experience has repeatedly confirmed that well-known maxim of Bacon's that "a little philosophy inclineth a man's mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men's minds about to religion." At the same time, when Bacon penned that sage epigram... he forgot to add that the God to whom depth in philosophy brings back men's minds is far from being the same from whom a little philosophy estranges them. George Santayana Quotes
You found God? If nobody claims him in thirty days, he's yours! Author Unknown Quotes
When I saw others straining toward God, I did not understand it, for though I may have had him less than they did, there was no one blocking the way between him and me, and I could reach his heart easily. It is up to him, after all, to have us, our part consists of almost solely in letting him grasp us. Rainer Maria Rilke Quotes
God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. Elizabeth Barrett Browning Quotes
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa Quotes
We strive to be God's worthy audience. Candea Core-Starke Quotes
I wear a coat of angels' breath and warm myself with His love. Emme Woodhull-Bäche Quotes
I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. Quentin Crisp Quotes
Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God. Diana Robinson Quotes
When we can't piece together the puzzle of our own lives, remember the best view of a puzzle is from above. Let Him help put you together. Amethyst Snow-Rivers Quotes
If you don't know what's meant by God, watch a forsythia branch or a lettuce leaf sprout. Martin H. Fischer Quotes
Some stand on tiptoe trying to reach God to talk to him - you try too hard, friend - drop to your knees and listen to him, he'll hear you better that way. Ever Garrison Quotes
God: a disease we imagine we are cured of because no one dies of it nowadays. E.M. Cioran Quotes
It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain him. Joseph Joubert Quotes
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Garth Brooks Quotes
God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down. H. Beerbohm-Tree Quotes
Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he did not want to sign. Anatole France Quotes
How idle it is to call certain things God-sends! as if there was anything else in the world. Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Quotes
Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. Leo Buscaglia Quotes
God is not what you imagine or what you think you understand. If you understand you have failed. Saint Augustine Quotes
God is not the name of God, but an opinion about Him. Pope Xystus I Quotes
God's promises are like the stars; the darker the night the brighter they shine. David Nicholas Quotes
Proverbs 14:31 Quotes
I feel most ministers who claim they've heard God's voice are eating too much pizza before they go to bed at night, and it's really an intestinal disorder, not a revelation. Rev. Jerry Falwell Quotes
God is an unutterable sigh, planted in the depths of the soul. Jean Paul Richter Quotes
All are but parts of one stupendous whole,
Whose body Nature is, and God the soul.
Alexander Pope Quotes
Perhaps history is a thing that would stop happening if God held His breath, or could be imagined as turning away to think of something else. Herbert Butterfield Quotes
We can never escape God's lovely essence. Sonnett Branche Quotes
Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God. Augustine Quotes
Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are. Erik Satie Quotes
Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to God for a faith lift. Author Unknown Quotes
There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." C.S. Lewis Quotes
We need not join the mad rush to purchase an earthly fallout shelter. God is our eternal fallout shelter. Martin Luther King, Jr., Quotes
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. Really. Lenny Bruce Quotes
Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank. Christina Rossetti Quotes
Life is God's novel. Let him write it. Isaac Bashevis Singer Quotes
You are not obliged to put on evening clothes to meet God. Austin O'Malley Quotes
When you knock, ask to see God - none of the servants. Henry David Thoreau Quotes
Your mind works very simply: you are either trying to find out what are God's laws in order to follow them; or you are trying to outsmart Him. Martin H. Fischer Quotes
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe in the God idea, not God himself. Miguel de Unamuno Quotes
Most people wish to serve God - but only in an advisory capacity. Author Unknown Quotes
I've been hiding from God, and I'm appalled to find how easy it is. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
The self-appointed spokesmen for God incline to shout; He, Himself, speaks only in whispers. Martin H. Fischer Quotes
A lot of people are willing to give God credit, but so few ever give Him cash. Robert E. Harris Quotes
It always strikes me, and it is very peculiar, that when we see the image of indescribable and unutterable desolation - of loneliness, of poverty and misery, the end of all things, or their extreme - then rises in our mind the thought of God. Vincent van Gogh Quotes
To put one's trust in God is only a longer way of saying that one will chance it. Samuel Butler Quotes
So long as God reveals Himself, or doesn't, He is behaving like God. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
There is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart. Blaise Pascal Quotes
Don't look for God where He is needed most; if you didn't bring Him there, He isn't there. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
God waits to win back his own flowers as gifts from man's hands. Rabindranath Tagore Quotes
I say to mankind, Be not curious about God. For I, who am curious about each, am not curious about God - I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least. Walt Whitman Quotes
Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message. Malcolm Muggeridge Quotes
We always keep God waiting while we admit more importunate suitors. Malcolm de Chazal Quotes
'T is heaven alone that is given away,
'T is only God may be had for the asking;...
James Russell Lowell Quotes
We climb mountains because they are there, and worship God because He is not. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
How important the concept of God is, and how instead of valuing what has been given us, we with light hearts spurn it because of absurdities that have been attached to it. Leo Tolstoy Quotes
No pillow so soft as God's promise. Author Unknown Quotes
The young do not need God, and the old cannot find Him. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
For light I go directly to the Source of light, not to any of the reflections. Peace Pilgrim Quotes
Some people talk about finding God - as if He could get lost. Author Unknown Quotes
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. John Marcellus Huston Quotes
For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread. The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet.... Shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host, and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long? Rebecca Harding Davis Quotes
I do not believe in God, for that implies an effort of the will - I see God everywhere! Jean Favre Quotes
Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's blunders? Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes
I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him. Author Unknown Quotes
All that I have seen teaches me to trust God for all I have not seen. Author Unknown Quotes
"I was six when I saw that everything was God, and my hair stood up, and all," Teddy said. "It was on a Sunday, I remember. My sister was a tiny child then, and she was drinking her milk, and all of a sudden I saw that she was God and the milk was God. I mean, all she was doing was pouring God into God, if you know what I mean. J.D. Salinger, "Teddy," 1954 Quotes
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. Author Unknown Quotes
Peace on the outside comes from knowing God on the inside. Author Unknown Quotes
God often visits us, but most of the time we are not at home. Joseph Roux Quotes
Hunting God is a great adventure. Marie DeFloris Quotes
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. Christopher Morley Quotes
God is a verb, not a noun proper or improper. R. Buckminster Fuller Quotes
Those who turn to God for comfort may find comfort but I do not think they will find God. Mignon McLaughlin Quotes
God is a circle whose centre is everywhere and circumference nowhere. Timaeus of Locris Quotes
Some people always sigh in thanking God. Elizabeth Barrett Browning Quotes
God, that dumping ground of our dreams. Jean Rostand Quotes
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? Art Hoppe Quotes
If God asks that you bend, bend and do not complain. He is making you more flexible, and for this be thankful. Meriel Stelliger Quotes
Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat. Julian Huxley Quotes
God - the John Doe of philosophy and religion. Elbert Hubbard Quotes
When we lose God, it is not God who is lost. Author Unknown Quotes
Life is a tapestry: We are the warp; angels, the weft; God, the weaver. Only the Weaver sees the whole design. Quoted in Quotes
Those who never rebelled against God or at some point in their lives shaken their fists in the face of heaven, have never encountered God at all. Catherine Marshall Quotes
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. Voltaire Quotes
I had a thousand questions to ask God; but when I met him they all fled and didn't seem to matter. Christopher Morley Quotes
Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here." Author Unknown Quotes
I would rather walk with God in the dark than go alone in the light. Mary Gardiner Brainard Quotes
Availability is better than ability for God. Author Unknown Quotes
Seeing so much poverty everywhere makes me think that God is not rich. He gives the appearance of it, but I suspect some financial difficulties. Victor Hugo Quotes
God is a child who amuses himself, going from laughing to crying for no reason, each day reinventing the world to the chagrin of hair-splitters, pedants, and preachers, who try to teach God his job as Creator. Elie Faure Quotes
Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue. Eugene O'Neill Quotes
Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God. Author Unknown Quotes
If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved? Author Unknown Quotes
I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humour. William Ralph Inge Quotes
When we put our cares in His hands, He puts His peace in our hearts. Author Unknown Quotes
Before me, even as behind, God is, and all is well. John Greenleaf Whittier Quotes
Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord! Author Unknown Quotes
Be God or let God. Author Unknown Quotes
I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God. Carl Jung Quotes
George Carlin, MCDD Quotes
Every morning I spend fifteen minutes filling my mind full of God; and so there's no room left for worry thoughts. Howard Chandler Christy Quotes
I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent. Author Unknown Quotes
God can never be a definition. He is more than even the entirety of the dictionary. Scarlett Bene Quotes
Darkness cannot put out the Light. It can only make God brighter. Author Unknown Quotes
No God, no peace. Know God, know peace. Author Unknown Quotes
Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose. Oscar Wilde Quotes
I can resist anything but temptation. Oscar Wilde Quotes
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. Groucho Marx Quotes
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana. Groucho Marx Quotes
If you want to know where God is ask a drunk. Groucho Marx Quotes
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx Quotes
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? Groucho Marx Quotes
Patience is the art of finding something else to do. Groucho Marx Quotes
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. Groucho Marx Quotes
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. Groucho Marx Quotes
If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham. Groucho Marx Quotes
This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach. Groucho Marx Quotes
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said, "Let there be light". And there was still nothing but you could see it. Groucho Marx Quotes
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Groucho Marx Quotes
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. Homer Simpson Quotes
If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn't have given them teeth. Homer Simpson Quotes
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. Homer Simpson Quotes
If a tree falls in the forest on a mime, does anyone care? Homer Simpson Quotes
British skydiver Alfred Peters collided with a sportplane. Peters broke his foot, while the plane crashed and the four people on board died. Homer Simpson Quotes
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? Homer Simpson Quotes
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead. Homer Simpson Quotes
What was that number for 911 again? Homer Simpson Quotes
Oh my god! Space Aliens!!! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids... EAT THEM!!! Homer Simpson Quotes
Lisa, you're my greatest accomplishment and you did it all by yourself. Homer Simpson Quotes
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. Homer Simpson Quotes
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. Douglas Adams Quotes
A day without sunshine is like night. Douglas Adams Quotes
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. Douglas Adams Quotes
A hole had just appeared in the Galaxy. It was exactly a nothingth of a second long, a nothingth of an inch wide, and quite a lot of million light years from end to end. As it closed up [...] Two hundred and thirty-nine thousand lightly fried eggs fell out of it...materializing in a large woobly heap on the famine-struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system. The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later. Douglas Adams Quotes
The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Albert Einstein Quotes
It is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. Oscar Wilde Quotes
People can have the Model T in any colour - so long as it's black. Henry Ford Quotes
Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. Buckminster Fuller Quotes
Twice: Once too often. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Can I ask a rhetorical question? Well, can I? Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Liberty, n: One of imaginations most precious possessions. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Circus, n: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to so men, women and children acting the fool. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Selfish, adj: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Apologize: To lay The Foundation for a future offense. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Ambrose Bierce Quotes
In a certain sense, and to a certain extent, he [the president] is the representative of the people. He is elected by them, as well as congress is. But can he, in the nature [of] things, know the wants of the people, as well as three hundred other men, coming from all the various localities of the nation? If so, where is the propriety of having a congress? Abraham Lincoln Quotes
My friends-... I now leave, not knowing when, or whether ever, I may return, with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assistance of that Divine Being, who ever attended him, I cannot succeed. With that assistance, I cannot fail. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
You have heard the story, haven't you, about the man who was tarred and feathered and carried out of town on a rail? A man in the crowd asked him how he liked it. His reply was that if it was not for the honor of the thing, he would much rather walk. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
Too many piglets not enough tits. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
As President, I have no eyes but constitutional eyes; I cannot see you. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. Mark Twain Quotes
I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Mark Twain Quotes
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain Quotes
If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. Woody Allen Quotes
Be alert... the world needs more lerts. Woody Allen Quotes
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen Quotes
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen Quotes
Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Woody Allen Quotes
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen Quotes
The way to make money in the stock market is to buy a stock. Then, when it goes up, sell it. If it's not going to go up, don't buy it! Will Rogers Quotes
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. Will Rogers Quotes
The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy Quotes
Well actually it's a lot like smoking a cigar, but you don't bite the tip off. Tom Clancy Quotes
The other day I say a fly walking down the street with his man open. Tom Clancy Quotes
When I go to peoples' houses I like to sneak into their bedrooms and try on their underwear. Tom Clancy Quotes
There are four types of men in the world; lovers, opportunists, lookers-on, and imbeciles. The happiest are the imbeciles. Tom Clancy Quotes
Friends and neighbors complain that taxes are indeed very heavy, and if those laid on by the government were the only ones we had to pay, we might the more easily discharge them; but we have many others, and much more grievous to some of us. We are taxed twice as much by our idleness, three times as much by our pride, and four times as much by our folly. Benjamin Franklin Quotes
Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. Henry Van Dyke Quotes
Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education. Bertrand Russell Quotes
Passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because the teacher knows more than his pupils; it is moreover the way to win the favour of the teacher unless he is a very exceptional man. Yet the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life. It causes man to seek and to accept a leader, and to accept as a leader whoever is established in that position. Bertrand Russell Quotes
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. Eleanor Roosevelt Quotes
I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Author Unknown Quotes
Computers have lots of memory but no imagination. Author Unknown Quotes
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Author Unknown Quotes
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software. Author Unknown Quotes
If it draws blood, it's hardware. Author Unknown Quotes
I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. Author Unknown Quotes
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? Author Unknown Quotes
RAM disk is not an installation procedure. Author Unknown Quotes
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Author Unknown Quotes
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. Author Unknown Quotes
Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it. Author Unknown Quotes
Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups. Author Unknown Quotes
In God we trust, all others we virus scan. Author Unknown Quotes
It's not a bug - it's an undocumented feature. Author Unknown Quotes
I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. Author Unknown Quotes
Programmer - an organism that turns coffee into software. Author Unknown Quotes
When one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made. Author Unknown Quotes
Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS? Author Unknown Quotes
People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women. Author Unknown Quotes
Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension. Author Unknown Quotes
A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it. Author Unknown Quotes
The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them. Author Unknown Quotes
I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! Author Unknown Quotes
I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art. Kahlil Gibran Quotes
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman Quotes
Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency. Henny Youngman Quotes
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it. Henny Youngman Quotes
We aim to please... You aim too, please. Henny Youngman Quotes
Fortitude is the marshal of thought, the armor of the will, and the fort of reason. Francis Bacon Quotes
Chase after truth like hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails. Clarence Darrow Quotes
RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. Dave Barry Quotes
Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz. Dave Barry Quotes
Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou. Dave Barry Quotes
Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it. Dave Barry Quotes
Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations. Dave Barry Quotes
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on. Dave Barry Quotes
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. Dave Barry Quotes
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. Dave Barry Quotes
And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. Dave Barry Quotes
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Dave Barry Quotes
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 Dave Barry Quotes
Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable. Dave Barry Quotes
Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished? Dave Barry Quotes
Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques. Dave Barry Quotes
Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. Dave Barry Quotes
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. Dave Barry Quotes
Black holes are where God divided by zero. Dave Barry Quotes
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Dave Barry Quotes
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Dave Barry Quotes
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Dave Barry Quotes
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Dave Barry Quotes
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dave Barry Quotes
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Dave Barry Quotes
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. Dave Barry Quotes
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Dave Barry Quotes
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Dave Barry Quotes
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Dave Barry Quotes
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. Dave Barry Quotes
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. Dave Barry Quotes
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Dave Barry Quotes
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Dave Barry Quotes
Please excuse Mary. She is having problems with her ovals. Dave Barry Quotes
Please excuse Fred Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Dave Barry Quotes
Fred was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing area. Dave Barry Quotes
Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Dave Barry Quotes
Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip. Dave Barry Quotes
Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33. Dave Barry Quotes
My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. Dave Barry Quotes
Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules. Dave Barry Quotes
Too many rocks in the mountains. Dave Barry Quotes
The places where trails do not exist are not well marked. Dave Barry Quotes
Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights. Dave Barry Quotes
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals. Dave Barry Quotes
Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them. Dave Barry Quotes
Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests. Dave Barry Quotes
Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. Dave Barry Quotes
Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse. Dave Barry Quotes
Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals. Dave Barry Quotes
Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands. Dave Barry Quotes
Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness. Dave Barry Quotes
A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call. Dave Barry Quotes
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold? Dave Barry Quotes
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too Swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. Dave Barry Quotes
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Dave Barry Quotes
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. Dave Barry Quotes
A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke? Dave Barry Quotes
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry Quotes
Of course the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you'd find at least one sex scene ("'Yes, yes, YES!' moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture"). Dave Barry Quotes
Question: " I understand that Congress is considering a so-called 'flat' tax system. How would this work?" Answer: "If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool. Dave Barry Quotes
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. Isaac Asimov Quotes
Our character...is an omen of our destiny, and the more integrity we have and keep, the simpler and nobler that destiny is likely to be. George Santayana Quotes
Don't say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary. Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes
Look out! Behind you! Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes
Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character. Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes
It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. W. Somerset Maugham Quotes
When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character. W. Somerset Maugham Quotes
Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem. W. Somerset Maugham Quotes
Truth, like milk, arrives in the dark But even so, wise dogs don't bark. Only mongrels make it hard For the milkman to come up the yard. Christopher Morley Quotes
It is good to vary in order that you may frustrate the curious, especially those who envy you. Baltasar Gracian Quotes
Put yourself on view. This brings your talents to light. Baltasar Gracian Quotes
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz Quotes
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. Dale Carnegie Quotes
I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. Stephen Hawking Quotes
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it. George Bernard Shaw Quotes
My first love was Cinderella, but she ran off with another man. Dorothy Parker Quotes
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose. Dorothy Parker Quotes
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened! Dorothy Parker Quotes
Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction. Dorothy Parker Quotes
Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day. Dorothy Parker Quotes
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. Aldous Huxley Quotes
What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue. Thomas Paine Quotes
If, from the more wretched parts of the old world, we look at those which are in an advanced stage of improvement, we still find the greedy hand of government thrusting itself into every corner and crevice of industry, and grasping the spoil of the multitude. Invention is continually exercised, to furnish new pretenses for revenues and taxation. It watches prosperity as its prey and permits none to escape without tribute. Thomas Paine Quotes
Our loyalty is due entirely to the United States. It is due to the President only and exactly to the degree in which he efficiently serves the United States. It is our duty to support him when he serves the United States well. It is our duty to oppose him when he serves it badly. This is true about Mr. Wilson now and it has been true about all our Presidents in the past. It is our duty at all times to tell the truth about the President and about every one else, save in the cases where to tell the truth at the moment would benefit the public enemy. Theodore Roosevelt Quotes
The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly as necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else. Theodore Roosevelt Quotes
Yes, Haven, most of us enjoy preaching, and I've got such a bully pulpit! Theodore Roosevelt Quotes
Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. Mike Tyson Quotes
You wouldn't have won if we had beaten you. Yogi Berra Quotes
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Yogi Berra Quotes
If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else. Yogi Berra Quotes
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. Yogi Berra Quotes
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time. Yogi Berra Quotes
50% of the putts that are left short don't go in. Yogi Berra Quotes
50% of all married people are women Yogi Berra Quotes
Nobody goes there anymore...it's too crowded! Yogi Berra Quotes
A reporter once said to John Lennon that Decca would be kicking themselves for rejecting The Beatles, Lennon instantly replied, "I hope they kick themselves to death. Yogi Berra Quotes
Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning. George Carlin Quotes
The second office of this government is honorable & easy, the first is but a splendid misery. Thomas Jefferson Quotes
The purse of the people is the real seat of sensibility. Let it be drawn upon largely, and they will then listen to truths which could not excite them through any other organ. Thomas Jefferson Quotes
The truth is always a compound of two half- truths, and you never reach it, because there is always something more to say. Tom Stoppard Quotes
You know nothing for sure... except the fact that you know nothing for sure. John F. Kennedy Quotes
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours. John F. Kennedy Quotes
But when men have realized that time has upset many fighting faiths, they may come to believe even more than they believe the very foundations of their own conduct that the ultimate good desired is better reached by free trade in ideas-that the best test of truth is the power of the thought to get itself accepted in the competition of the market, and that truth is the only ground upon which their wishes safely can be carried out. Oliver Wendell Holmes Quotes
I like to pay taxes. With them I buy civilization. Oliver Wendell Holmes Quotes
Any tax is a discouragement and therefore a regulation so far as it goes. Oliver Wendell Holmes Quotes
Pretty much all the honest truth-telling there is in the world is done by children. Oliver Wendell Holmes Quotes
The character of every act depends upon the circumstances in which it is done. Oliver Wendell Holmes Quotes
China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. Charles De Gaulle Quotes
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail Abraham Maslow Quotes
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Abraham Maslow Quotes
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Abraham Maslow Quotes
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Abraham Maslow Quotes
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Abraham Maslow Quotes
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Abraham Maslow Quotes
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. Abraham Maslow Quotes
He was all over the road, and I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. Abraham Maslow Quotes
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. Abraham Maslow Quotes
A van backed through my windscreen into my wife's face. Abraham Maslow Quotes
I collided with a stationary lorry coming the other way. Abraham Maslow Quotes
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my hand through it. Abraham Maslow Quotes
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have. Abraham Maslow Quotes
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and drove into the river. Abraham Maslow Quotes
The telephone pole was approaching fast and I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front. Abraham Maslow Quotes
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some cows. Abraham Maslow Quotes
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him. Abraham Maslow Quotes
It is unfortunate to consider all lawyers as natural Satanists many are just dumb. Abraham Maslow Quotes
The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg. Abraham Maslow Quotes
Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture. Abraham Maslow Quotes
But they are useless. They can only give you answers. Pablo Picasso Quotes
There is no truth. There is only perception. Gustave Flaubert Quotes
When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do. William Blake Quotes
A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one. Rita Mae Brown Quotes
The trouble about man is twofold. He cannot learn truths which are too complicated; he forgets truths which are too simple. Rebecca West Quotes
Where do I want to go today? Poland, Czechoslovakia, France. Can Microsoft Office do that for me? Adolf Hitler Quotes
Looking at Capitol Hill is like looking at that Escher picture of the wild geese flying together: makes no fucking sense and occasionally shits on your head. Dennis Miller Quotes
I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped. Dennis Miller Quotes
How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching. Dennis Miller Quotes
When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat. Dennis Miller Quotes
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. Doug Larson Quotes
Truth is truth To the end of reckoning. William Shakespeare Quotes
God is not what you imagine or what you think you understand. If you understand you have failed. Saint Augustine Quotes
God is a verb, not a noun proper or improper. Buckminster Fuller Quotes
I know that the LORD is always on the side of the right. But it is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation should be on the LORD'S side. Abraham Lincoln Quotes
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain Quotes
I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth-that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid? Benjamin Franklin Quotes
God's last name is not "Dammit. Author Unknown Quotes
You found God? If nobody claims him in thirty days, he's yours! Author Unknown Quotes
Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here. Author Unknown Quotes
Darkness cannot put out the Light. It can only make God brighter. Author Unknown Quotes
Seeing so much poverty everywhere makes me think that God is not rich. He gives the appearance of it, but I suspect some financial difficulties. Victor Hugo Quotes
Fuck all the people who say, "God bless," and then don't bother to complete the sentence. Who they are, I haven't the slightest. But, if I were God, I would not honor such a request. George Carlin Quotes
I myself do nothing. The Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me. William Blake Quotes
I say, the acknowledgment of God in ChristAccepted by thy reason, solves for theeAll questions in the earth and out of it,And has so far advanced thee to be wise. Robert Browning Quotes
Had I but serv'd my God with half the zealI serv'd my king, He would not in mine ageHave left me naked to mine enemies. William Shakespeare Quotes
I say to mankind, Be not curious about God. For I, who am curious about each, am not curious about God - I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least. Walt Whitman Quotes
This only is denied to God: the power to undo the past. Agathon Quotes
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. Albert Einstein Quotes
O ye of little faith, who believe that somehow the birth of Christ is dependent upon acknowledgment in a circular from OfficeMax! Anna Quindlen Quotes
Or what about the statue in California currently said to be crying bloody tears? Why worry about the alleged weeping of a plaster effigy when so many actual human beings have reason to cry? Anna Quindlen Quotes
God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project. Anonymous Quotes
The gods too are fond of a joke. Aristotle Quotes
Think of yourself as an incandescent power, illuminated and perhaps forever talked to by God and his messengers. Brenda Ueland Quotes
When you want something really bad and you close your eyes and wish for it-- God's the guy who ignores you. Caspian Tredwell-Owen Quotes
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring. Chuck Palahniuk Quotes
Slow but sure moves the might of the gods. Euripides Quotes
Everyone ought to worship God according to his own inclinations, and not to be constrained by force. Flavius Josephus Quotes
Pray as if everything depended upon God and work as if everything depended upon man. Francis Cardinal Spellman Quotes
I could prove God statistically. George Gallup Quotes
The glorious gifts of the gods are not to be cast aside. Homer Quotes
The gods, likening themselves to all kinds of strangers, go in various disguises from city to city, observing the wrongdoing and the righteousness of men. Homer Quotes
Whoever obeys the gods, to him they particularly listen. Homer Quotes
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke. Hugh Elliott Quotes
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. Indian Proverb Quotes
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? Irv Kupcinet Quotes
God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. J. G. Holland Quotes
I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe. James Lileks Quotes
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. Jewish Proverb Quotes
God must become an activity in our consciousness. Joel S. Goldsmith Quotes
We must accept that this creative pulse within us is God's creative pulse itself. Joseph Chilton Pearce Quotes
Or perhaps she's just softening me up: she's a Baptist, she'd like me to find Jesus, or vice versa, before it's too late. That kind of thing doesn't run in her family: her mother Reenie never went in much for God. There was mutual respect, and if you were in trouble, naturally you'd call on him, as with lawyers, but as with lawyers, it would have to be bad trouble. Otherwise it didn't pay to get too mixed up with him. Margaret Atwood Quotes
It is the creative potential itself in human beings that is the image of God. Mary Daly Quotes
Sometimes it seems like God is difficult to find and impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things that we can focus on. What we forget is that God's love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them. Matthias Quotes
No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer It has chosen. Minor White Quotes
I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde Quotes
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through. Paul Valery Quotes
Doubting God's existence is okay and perfectly acceptable within Christianity as long as the person doubting remains obedient and committed to the Christian path. Real Live Preacher Quotes
EVERY path may lead you to God, even the weird ones. Most of us are on a journey. We’re looking for something, though we’re not always sure what that is. The way is foggy much of the time. I suggest you slow down and follow some of the side roads that appear suddenly in the mist. Real Live Preacher Quotes
I’m searching through all that has ever been hoped, in praise of what can never be known. Real Live Preacher Quotes
When someone is giving you their theology, their God words, you should listen hard and be very gentle. The time to deliver your God words is when you are asked. Real Live Preacher Quotes
How do you define God? Like this. A God I could understand, at least potentially, was infinitely more interesting and relevant than one that defied comprehension. Robert J. Sawyer Quotes
The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf. Shakti Gawain Quotes
Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat. Sir Julian Huxley Quotes
To believe in God or in a guiding force because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. With our intelligence, it is intended that we understand. But each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself. Sophy Burnham Quotes
Whatever God's dream about man may be, it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates. Stella Terrill Mann Quotes
When a man takes one step toward God, God takes more steps toward that man than there are sands in the worlds of time. The Work of the Chariot Quotes
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire Quotes
We want God to come and save us. But he won’t. God doesn’t stop levees from failing, he doesn’t stay the force of tsunamis, and he doesn’t stop planes from smashing into buildings. Deus Ex Machina is overrated. Waiter Rant Quotes
God is a verb. Buckminster Fuller Quotes
A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of Creation. Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde Quotes
I could not say I believe — I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God. Carl Jung Quotes
You may think the President is all-powerful, but he is not. He needs a lot of guidance from the Lord. Barbara Bush Quotes
It is when people forget God that tyrants forge their chains. Patrick Henry Quotes
Man will ultimately be governed by God or by tyrants. Benjamin Franklin Quotes
Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them. George W. Bush Quotes
I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth -- that God Governs the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? Benjamin Franklin Quotes
This most beautiful system [The Universe] could only proceed from the dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being. Isaac Newton Quotes
God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things. Pablo Picasso Quotes
Cast your cares on God; that anchor holds. Frank Moore Colby Quotes
To forbid the making of pictures about God would be to forbid thinking about God at all, for man is so made that he has no way to think except in pictures. Dorothy Sayers Quotes
We do not need more intellectual power, we need more spiritual power. We do not need more of the things that are seen, we need more of the things that are unseen. Calvin Coolidge Quotes
We are commanded to love God with all our minds, as well as with all our hearts, and we commit a great sin if we forbid or prevent that cultivation of the mind in others which would enable them to perform this duty. Angelina Grimke Quotes
Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear. Thomas Jefferson Quotes
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Francois Marie Arouet (Voltaire) Quotes
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, that His justice cannot sleep forever. Thomas Jefferson Quotes
Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe. Galileo Galilei Quotes
If one could conclude as to the nature of the Creator from a study of his creation it would appear that God has a special fondness for stars and beetles. J.B.S. Haldane Quotes
I worship God as Truth only. I have not yet found Him, but I am seeking after Him. I am prepared to sacrifice the things dearest to me in pursuit of this quest. Even if the sacrifice demanded my very life, I hope I may be prepared to give it. Mahatma Gandhi Quotes
The soul of man is immortal and imperishable. Plato Quotes
It must be felt that there is no national security but in the nation's humble acknowledged dependence upon God and His overruling providence. John Adams Quotes
God is a concept by which we measure our pain. John Lennon Quotes
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea. Douglas Adams Quotes
If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself. C.S. Lewis Quotes
Everything except God has some natural superior; everything except unformed matter has some natural inferior. C.S. Lewis Quotes
The whole trouble is that we won't let God help us. George MacDonald