| "Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things." Woody Allen |
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| "It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies." Woody Allen Adages |
| A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen Quotations |
| A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. Woody Allen |
| A lion and a lamb can lay toghether, but the lamb will get little sleep. Woody Allen Quotations |
| A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen |
| All people know the same truth; our lives consist of how we choose to distort them Woody Allen Quotes |
| All the crap that they tell you about ... getting joy, and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe, ... I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. Woody Allen Remarks |
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| All the crap that they tell you about ... getting joy, and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years -- it's all tripe, ... I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. Woody Allen |
| All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe, Woody Allen Quotes |
| And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. Woody Allen Sayings |
| As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on Woody Allen Quotes |
| As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen |
| As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen |
| At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time. Woody Allen |
| Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen |
| Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen |
| Be alert... the world needs more lerts. Woody Allen Quotations |
| believe it when I see it. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name Woody Allen |
| Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen |
| Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen |
| Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Woody Allen |
| Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love Woody Allen Adages |
| Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen |
| Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen |
| Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen |
| Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen |
| Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland. Woody Allen Sayings |
| For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Woody Allen Remarks |
| His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Woody Allen |
| How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen Remarks |
| How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| I am at two with nature. Woody Allen |
| I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen |
| I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen |
| I am very attached to this watch. My grandfather sold it to me when he was dying. Woody Allen Adages |
| I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen |
| I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen Sayings |
| I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven. Woody Allen |
| I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen |
| I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British Woody Allen Sayings |
| I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear Woody Allen |
| I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen Quotations |
| I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer Woody Allen |
| I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen Sayings |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying! Woody Allen |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. Woody Allen Quotes |
| I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen |
| I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen |
| I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. Woody Allen |
| I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen |
| I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards. Woody Allen |
| I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it Woody Allen |
| I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen Sayings |
| I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews. Woody Allen Remarks |
| I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen |
| I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. Woody Allen |
| I took a speed reading course and read 'war and peace' in twenty minutes. IT involves Russia. Woody Allen Quotes |
| I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Woody Allen Remarks |
| I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' Woody Allen Quotations |
| I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception.I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' Woody Allen |
| I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. Woody Allen |
| I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen |
| I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. Woody Allen Quotations |
| I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead. Woody Allen |
| I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen |
| I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen |
| I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen |
| I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen |
| I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes Woody Allen Sayings |
| I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. Woody Allen Adages |
| I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen |
| I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen |
| I've gained no insight, no mellowing. I would make the same mistakes again. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen |
| If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job Woody Allen Adages |
| If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. Woody Allen |
| If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen Adages |
| If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting Woody Allen |
| If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen |
| If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen |
| If there is reincarnation, I'dd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips. Woody Allen Adages |
| If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. Woody Allen Remarks |
| If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. Woody Allen |
| If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen Sayings |
| If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen Quotes |
| In Beverley Hills, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into television shows. Woody Allen Remarks |
| In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. Woody Allen Quotations |
| In my family, the biggest sin was to buy retail. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen Adages |
| In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen |
| Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this? Woody Allen Remarks |
| Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right Woody Allen Sayings |
| Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right. (All You Wanted To Know About Sex) Woody Allen |
| It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen Sayings |
| It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen Adages |
| It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen Quotations |
| It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen |
| It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen |
| It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen Adages |
| It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. Woody Allen Remarks |
| It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen Quotes |
| It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen |
| It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen |
| It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no. Woody Allen |
| Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen |
| Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen |
| Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions Woody Allen Quotes |
| Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen |
| Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen |
| Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen |
| Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen |
| Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen |
| More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen Adages |
| More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| My brain? That´s my second favourite organ. Woody Allen |
| My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. Woody Allen Quotes |
| My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen |
| My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. Woody Allen |
| My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women. Woody Allen |
| Natasha, to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness, I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen |
| Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen |
| Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind. Woody Allen |
| Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats. Woody Allen |
| Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats. Woody Allen |
| On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. Woody Allen |
| one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life. Woody Allen |
| Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen |
| Probably in retrospect I should have bowed out of that relationship (with Farrow) much earlier than I did. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen |
| Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously. Woody Allen |
| Sex relieves tension - love causes it. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good. Woody Allen |
| Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. Woody Allen Adages |
| Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. Woody Allen |
| Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen |
| She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. Woody Allen Quotes |
| Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words Woody Allen |
| Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Woody Allen Quotations |
| Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen |
| Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen |
| That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen Quotes |
| The Colgate Comedy Hour. Woody Allen |
| The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey. Woody Allen Adages |
| The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Woody Allen |
| The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen Popular Quotes |
| The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night. Woody Allen Sayings |
| The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. Woody Allen Quotes |
| The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen Quotes |
| The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen Adages |
| The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Woody Allen |
| The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year. Woody Allen |
| The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Woody Allen Adages |
| The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen |
| The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen |
| The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen |
| There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen |
| There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen Quotes |
| There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open? Woody Allen |
| Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen |
| To love another person is to see the face of God. Woody Allen Remarks |
| To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. Woody Allen Quotations |
| To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen Remarks |
| We were born to die and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven. Woody Allen Quotations |
| What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. Woody Allen Remarks |
| What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen Sayings |
| What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen |
| What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Woody Allen |
| What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen |
| What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? Woody Allen Quotations |
| When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen Quotes |
| When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen Quotations |
| When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen Quotations |
| When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen Sayings |
| Where am I, anyhow? I mean, what happened to everybody? Woody Allen |
| Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered. Woody Allen Remarks |
| Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? Woody Allen Sayings |
| Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen |
| You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen Adages |
