Jerry Seinfeld Quotes & Jerry Seinfeld Sayings

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it." I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. I had 10,000 things that I like doing on the show itself, and certainly among them was telling George he had a problem, especially one he wasn't aware of. I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths you should be thinking about something other than laundry I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?' I'm really enjoying this, ... Could this be a weekly series? It really was written and geared for a very specific audience, but our comedic strength trumps all of that. The subject matter, the dialogue, the tone isn't right for most of America. It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Men we drive ourselves crazy. Men always want to marry a virgin, but during the act of sex on the wedding night we tell the women to say 'you're the best, you're the best', then afterwards we wonder better than who? My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur. Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur." Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason stinking from smoked salmon and covered in grass stains from playing in the park, (they) are not going away. That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. The show had an intense comedic energy that you do not find on other shows. There's an intense comedic scene happening all the time, and that's the way we tried to make them, really packed, tight, strong ? and that just holds the audience. The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." We're just cheering for laundry! Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."