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A quilt will warm your body and comfort your soul. |
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Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? |
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Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. |
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I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! |
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If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. |
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Light is good from whatever lamp it shines. |
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The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. |
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A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood. |
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Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich. |
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Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend. |
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Good lawyers know the law; great lawyers know the judge. |
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Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. |
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If you ride like there's no tomorrow, there won't be. |
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It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. |
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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. |
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Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. |
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The speedway ends at the cemetery. |
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| "A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums." |
"All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly.
AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES." |
| "At the dictation of a mathematician, it will solve in a matter of hours equations never before solved because of their intricacy and the enormous time and personnel which would be required to work them out on ordinary office calculators." |
| "Elphaba, where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true. We call it--- history." |
| "Her children arise up, and call her blessed." |
"In an age of nothing, at a time when we stand at the brink of our own destruction?
Strengthen your belief in yourself, in the future of humanity, in the things of this world that cannot be easily perceived.
Awaken that which lies dormant now within your soul. Re-ignite the flame of your consciousness, and measure the strength of your conviction.
Reveal the lie.
Renounce your hatred.
Seek, find and embrace the truths you are fortunate enough to discover. Cherish them. Use them to anchor you in the sea of chaos that is the world we live in.
When twilight draws near, when you are pushed to the very limits of your soul, When it seems that all you have left are the dead remnants of the fabric of your life?
Believe." |
| "Instead of focusing on their individual agendas, collaborative partnerships establish common goals. In order to address problems that lie beyond any single agency's exclusive purview, but which concern them all, partners agree to pool resources, jointly plan, implement, and evaluate new services and procedures, and delegate individual responsibility for the outcomes of their joint efforts." |
| "It seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than the night before, like a switch has been flicked somewhere, and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with." |
"Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso."
(Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick) |
| "More than any time in recent history, America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek nor did we provoke an assault on our freedom and our way of life. We did not expect nor did we invite a confrontation with evil. Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arive...The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels, but every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars..." |
"One pill, two pill, three pill, four,
five pill, six pill, seven pill, floor." |
| "The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come." |
| "We live for the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget." |
| "We teach that every priest shall extinguish heathendom, and forbid wilweorthunga (fountain worship), and licwiglunga (incantations of the dead), and hwata (omens), and galdra (magic), and man worship, and the abominations that men exercise in various sorts of witchcraft, and in frithspottum (peace-enclosures) with elms and other trees, and with stones, and with many phantoms." |
| "Wisdom is supreme; therefore make a full effort to get wisdom. Esteem her and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you."
|
| "You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. " |
| "Carpe Diem" does not mean "fish of the day." |
| "I must do something" always solves more problems than "Something must be done." |
'Tis better to buy a small bouquet
And give to your friend this very day,
Than a bushel of roses white and red
To lay on his coffin after he's dead.
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| .sig file missing --- (A)dlib, (R)etry, (F)ail? |
| 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? |
| 98% of all statistics are made up. |
| Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." |
| Fortune knocks but once, but misFortune has much more patience. |
| George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles. |
| Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups. |
| Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups. |
| Lou Gehrig Delivers "Farewell to Baseball Address" at Yankee Stadium |
| Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes, "I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies." |
| A |
| A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. |
| A Doctor Who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. |
| A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. |
| A bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work. |
| A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. |
| A bed without a quilt is like a sky without stars. |
| A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. |
| A best friend it like a four leaf clover - Hard to find, and lucky to have. |
| A biophysicist talks physics to the biologists and biology to the physicists, but then he meets another biophysicist, they just discuss women. |
| A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest. |
| A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. |
| A brave arm makes a short sword long. |
| A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. |
| A camel looks like a horse that was planned by a committee. |
| A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization. |
| A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. |
| A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question. |
| A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question." |
| A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. |
| A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. |
| A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing. |
| A clean house is the sign of a boring person. |
| A committee is a group of the unwilling chosen form the unfit, to do the unnecessary. |
| A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. |
| A consultant is a man sent in after the battle to bayonet the wounded. |
| A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer. |
| A daughter is a gift of love. |
| A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend. |
| A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. |
| A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. |
| A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart. |
| A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. |
| A dirty book is rarely dusty. |
| A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours. |
| A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report. |
| A family is a patchwork of love. |
| A father carries pictures where his money used to be. |
| A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a witty person, but a pebble in the hands of a fool. |
| A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. |
| A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. |
| A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. |
| A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. |
| A friend is a brother who was once a bother. |
| A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself. |
| A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight, And walks with you in the shadows. |
| A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten how it goes. |
| A friend will know you better in the first minute they see you, than your acquaintance will in a thousand years. |
| A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. |
| A garden of Love grows in a Grandmother's heart. |
| A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it. |
| A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. |
| A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. |
| A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. |
| A good book on your shelf is a friend that turns its back on you and remains a friend. |
| A good cheerleader is not measured by the height of her jumps but by the span of her spirit. |
| A good example has twice the value of good advice. |
| A good friend is cheaper than therapy. |
| A good pun is its own reword. |
| A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. |
| A good, real, unrestrained, hearty laugh is a sort of glorified internal massage, performed rapidly and automatically. It manipulates and revitalizes corners and unexplored crannies of the system that are unresponsive to most other exercise methods. |
| A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. |
| A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. |
| A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. |
| A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance. |
| A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. |
| A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. |
| A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. |
| A half-baked idea is okay as long as it's in the oven. |
| A hangover is the wrath of grapes. |
| A healthy mind has an easy breath. |
| A hole is nothing at all, but you can still break your neck in it. |
A hug delights and warms and charms,
that must be why God gave us arms.
|
| A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. |
| A hug is a handshake from the heart. |
| A hug is two hearts wrapped in arms. |
| A hug is worth a thousand words. |
| A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. |
| A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. |
| A kiss is just a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one. |
| A kiss is the upper persuasion for a lower invasion. |
| A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not. |
| A level of despair is reached, where people are willing to die to punish their tormentors. |
| A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. |
| A little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to your soul. |
| A man doesnt want a child he is a dead beat dad. A woman doesnt want a child she is pro choice. |
A man may smile and bid you hail
Yet wish you to the devil;
But when a good dog wags his tail,
You know he's on the level.
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| A man of courage never wants weapons. |
| A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. |
| A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. |
| A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season. |
| A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. |
| A married daughter with children puts you in danger of being catalogued as a first edition. |
| A metaphor is like a simile. |
| A morning without coffee is like sleep. |
| A nickname is the hardest stone that the devil can throw at a man. |
| A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart. |
| A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank. |
| A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it. |
| A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both. |
| A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words, but cannot a few well-spoken words convey as many pictures? |
| A politician is known by the promises he keeps. |
| A pun is a short quip followed by a long groan. |
| A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. |
| A rustle in the wind reminds us a fairy is near. |
A Short History of Medicine
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."
|
| A sign inside the front door of Holy Cross Primary School, in north Belfast, reads: "If we'd been born where they were born and taught what they were taught, we would believe what they believe." |
| A sister is a forever friend. |
| A sister shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. |
| A smile can brighten the darkest day. |
| A smile confuses an approaching frown. |
| A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. |
| A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. |
| A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you. |
| A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. |
| A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together! |
| A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. |
| A teacher's purpose is not to create students in his own image, but to develop students who can create their own image. |
| A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate. |
| A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate." |
| A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart. |
| A true scrapbook addict is one who stages photographs to match paper she likes. |
| A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. |
| A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. |
| A user and his leisure time are soon parted. |
| A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia. |
| A virgin forest is where the hand of man has never set foot. |
| A well-informed mind is the best security against the contagion of folly and of vice. The vacant mind is ever on the watch for relief, and ready to plunge into error, to escape from the languor of idleness. |
| A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top . |
| A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top. |
| A wish changes nothing. A decision changes everything. |
| A woman wears her tears like jewelry. |
| Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. |
| Accidents hurt - safety doesn't. |
| Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years. |
| Adversity introduces a man to himself. |
| Advertisers constantly invent cures to which there is no disease. |
| Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps. |
| After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done. |
| After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history. |
| All bicycles weigh fifty pounds. A thirty-pound bicycle needs a twenty-pound lock. A forty-pound bicycle needs a ten-pound lock. A fifty-pound bicycle doesn't need a lock. |
All for one and one for all
My brother and my friend
What fun we have
The time we share
Brothers 'til the end.
|
| All men are created equal, then a few become firemen. |
| All mothers are working mothers. |
| All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. |
| All that I have seen teaches me to trust God for all I have not seen. |
| All the arms we need are for hugging. |
| All the coffee in Columbia won't make me a morning person. |
All the powers of darkness vanish;
Christ our Day-Star mounts the skies.
|
| All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. |
| All things are possible, except for skiing through a revolving door. |
| Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown. |
| Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back. |
| Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. |
| Always tell the truth. If you can't always tell the truth, don't lie. |
| Always tell the truth. Even if you have to make it up. |
| Always tell the truth. If you can't always tell the truth, don't lie. |
Among Life's precious jewels,
Genuine and rare,
The one that we call friendship
Has worth beyond compare.
|
| Among the many attributions found for this: Emerson">Ralph Waldo Emerson, Andre Maurois, Charles Reade, Buddist Proverb, Samuel Smiles, Allen">James Allen, George D. Boardman, and Francis E. Willard |
| An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. |
| An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won't let him do it at home. |
| An apology is a good way to have the last word. |
| An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a
living but doesn't teach them how to make a life. |
| An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. |
An old Apache storyteller reminds us:
“The plants, rocks, fire, water, all are alive. They watch us and see our needs. They see when we have nothing to protect us, and it is then that they reveal themselves and speak to us." |
| An older sister helps one remain half child, half woman. |
| An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh. |
| And as the seasons come and go, here's something you might like to know. There are fairies everywhere: under bushes, in the air, playing games just like you play, singing through their busy day. So listen, touch, and look around - in the air and on the ground. And if you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wing. |
| And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge! |
| And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" |
| Angels are never too distant to hear you. |
| Angels can fly directly into the heart of the matter. |
| Anger is one letter short of danger. |
| Any day spent sewing, is a good day. |
| Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. |
| Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet. |
| Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. |
| Anyone can be an angel. |
| Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. |
| Anyone may have diamonds: an heirloom is an ornament of quite a different kind. |
| Anyone who goes through life trusting people without making sure they are worthy of trust is a fool. Yet there are people who may be trusted, men as well as women. There are are as many difference in their natures as there are flowers in these meadows. |
| Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain. |
| Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. |
| Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby. |
| Anywhere is paradise; it's up to you. |
| Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. |
Are those the magic fairy wands
glistening on the tree
or only winter icicles that I see?
|
| Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to God for a faith lift. |
| Arizona looks like a battle on Mars. |
| Arm ourselves for war? No! All the arms we need are for hugging. |
| Art has never been made while thinking of art. |
| Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. |
| As armed conflict is highly gendered and women’s experiences during war differ from those of men, any conflict mapping and tracking exercise undertaken for use in negotiation must also take account of shifting gender relations and women’s activities throughout all phases of conflict and its aftermath.
Effectiveness of peace processes requires that they are built on the widest base of experience. Thus they need to take into account women’s lived experiences before, during and post-conflict. Failure to do so can lead to an impoverished understanding of peace and security that focuses on militarism and power supported by force. Attention also needs to be focused on women’s experiences post-conflict. Collapsed civilian structures may mean continuing and pervasive lawlessness and women’s experiences of violence do not stop with the cessation of hostilities. There must also be studies on the militarization of humanitarian aid and its impact upon women. |
| As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. |
| As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. |
| As though pure white snow flashed and sparkled with the color of bright ruddy wine, and was overcome by this radiance. |
| As we grow older everything seems to wear out, fall out or spread out. |
| As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose. |
| As ye sew, so shall ye rip. |
| Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. |
| Asking a seamstress to mend is like asking Michelangelo to paint your garage. |
| Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. |
| At least my pencil never crashes! |
| At my age, every doctor says the same thing; It's either something I have to live with - or something I have to live without. |
| Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching? |
| Availability is better than ability for God. |
| Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? |
| Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? |
| Backdraft has the right-of-way. |
| Backpacking: An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need for half the distance they planned to go in twice the time it should take. |
| Bad men excuse their faults; good men abandon them. |
| Bad weather always looks worse through a window. |
| Baseball is an island of activity amidst a sea of statistics. |
| Baseball is the only place in life where a sacrifice is really appreciated. |
| Bass fishermen watch Monday night football, drink beer, drive pickup trucks and prefer noisy women with big breasts. Trout fishermen watch MacNeil-Lehrer, drink white wine, drive foreign cars with passenger-side air bags and hardly think about women at all. This last characteristic may have something to do with the fact that trout fishermen spend most of the time immersed up to the thighs in ice-cold water. |
| Be a coffee-drinking individual - espresso yourself! |
| Be a little careful about your library. Do you foresee what you will do with it? Very little to be sure. But the real question is, What it will do with you? |
| Be alert! Accidents hurt. |
| Be God or let God. |
| Be naughty - save Santa a trip. |
| Be patient enough to live one day at a time, letting yesterday go and leaving tomorrow until it arrives. |
| Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. |
| Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art. |
| Beauty isn't something on the outside. It's your insides that count! You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you're pretty on the inside. |
| Beauty's sister is vanity, and its daughter lust. |
| Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. |
| Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up. |
| Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. |
| Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. |
| Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful. |
| Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health. |
Believe those who seek the truth, doubt those who find it; doubt all, but do not doubt yourself.
Croyez ceux qui cherchent la vérité, doutez de ceux qui la trouvent; doutez de tout, mais ne doutez pas de vous-même. |
| Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." |
| Better dead sure than sure dead. |
| Better to die on your feet than live on your knees. |
| Between today and tomorrow are graves, and between promising and fulfilling are chasms. |
| Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half. |
| Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half. |
| Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks. |
| Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory. |
| Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that the people who have the most live the longest. |
| Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero. |
| Blessed are The Children of scrapbookers, for they shall inherit the scrapbooks. |
| Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. |
| Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. |
| Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. |
| Born to golf. Forced to work. |
| Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley. |
| Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. |
| Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. |
| Breath is Spirit. The act of breathing is Living. |
| But a weed is simply a plant that wants to grow where people want something else. In blaming nature, people mistake the culprit. Weeds are people's idea, not nature's. |
But when I said that nothing had been done I erred in one important matter. We had definitely committed ourselves and were halfway out of our ruts. We had put down our passage money--booked a sailing to Bombay. This may sound too simple, but is great in consequence. Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! |
Buttons and patches and the cold wind blowing,
The days pass quickly when I am sewing.
|
| Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner. |
| By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. |
| By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. |
| C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez. |
| C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep? |
| Caffeine Allocation Error: COFFEE.SYS missing, Programmer halted. |
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
|
| Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin! |
| California's a wonderful place to live - if you happen to be an orange. |
| Camping: The art of getting closer to nature while getting farther away from the nearest cold beverage, hot shower and flush toilet. |
| Can't live with 'em. Can't legally torture them to death. |
| Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. |
| Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary. |
| Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. |
| Caution is not cowardly. Carelessness is not courage. |
| Censorship offends me. |
| Chance takers are accident makers. |
| Chances are, you now know that the marriage of the computer and the telephone is one of the century's seismic technical and economic developments. In terms of potential social and economic impact, it is often likened to the introduction of assembly-line manufacturing or to the invention of the computer itself. |
| Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. |
| Charge less, but charge. Otherwise, you will not be taken seriously, and you do your fellow artists no favours if you undercut the market. |
| Cheerleaders are angels - we're the only humans who can fly. |
| Cheerleaders are simply a jump above the rest. |
| Cheerleaders know that pyramids were not built in Egypt. |
| Cheerleading is more than a sport; it's an attitude. |
| Chemicals, n: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. |
| Chemicals, n: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. |
| Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath. |
| Childhood is the most beautiful of all life's seasons. |
| Children are for people who can't have dogs. |
| Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. |
| Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. |
| Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. |
| Chlorine is my perfume. |
| Chlorine: the breakfast of champions! |
| Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. |
| Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction. |
| Cleanliness is next to impossible. |
| Clergymen have much the same in their breeches as other men. |
| Climb a tree - it gets you closer to heaven. |
| Coffee in England is just toasted milk. |
| Coffee, n. break fluid. |
| COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. |
| Coffee: The first peripheral! |
Colonel Kane: You're convinced that God is dead because there's evil in the world.
Captain Cutshaw: Correct.
Colonel Kane: Then why don't you think He's alive because of the goodness in the world? |
| Commit to be fit. |
| Computers have lots of memory but no imagination. |
| Computers must be female. No one but the creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. |
| Concerning football playing, I protest to you it may rather be called a friendly kind of fighting, rather than recreation. |
| Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet. |
| Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. |
| Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. |
| Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. |
| Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. |
| Conversation is the slowest form of human communication. |
| Convert difficulties into opportunities, for difficulties are divine surgeries to make you better. |
| Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me." "You lose," Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away. |
| Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me." "You lose," Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away. |
| Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. |
| Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. |
| Courage is the most beautiful kind of madness. |
| Criticizing another's garden doesn't keep the weeds out of your own. |
| Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. |
| Darkness cannot put out the Light. It can only make God brighter. |
| Darkness cannot put out the Light. It can only make God brighter. |
| Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests. |
| Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money. |
| Death is life's way of telling you you're fired. |
| Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal. |
| Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream. |
Deep within the winter forest among the snowdrift wide
You can find a magic place where all the fairies hide....
|
| Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before. |
| Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think. |
| Desire is the most important factor in the success of any athlete. |
| Diamonds are a girl's best friend and a man's worst enemy. |
| Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS? |
| Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?" |
| Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes? It had a penis and a brain. |
| Dieters live life in the fasting lane. |
| Dieting is not a piece of cake. |
| Dieting is wishful shrinking. |
| Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer. |
| Diplomacy: The business of handling a porcupine without disturbing the quills. |
| Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. |
| Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? |
| Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? |
| Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there. |
| Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. |
| Do not repeat anything you will not sign your name to. |
| Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? |
| Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? |
| Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. |
| Dogs have owners, cats have staff. |
| Don't give other people a piece of your mind unless you can afford it. |
| Don't waste time learning the |
| Don't worry about avoiding temptation...As you grow older, it will avoid you. |
| Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it. |
| Don't argue with an 18-wheeler. |
| Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon. |
| Don't expect anything original from an echo. |
| Don't fling your butt beside the trail and we won't fling your butt in jail. |
| Don't just do something - sit there! |
| Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak. |
| Don't learn safety by accident. |
| Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance. |
| Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose. |
| Don't let your dreams go up in smoke - practice fire safety. |
| Don't miss the donut by looking through the hole. |
| Don't needle the seamstress. |
| Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here. |
| Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here." |
| Don't refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase - that's what wild geese are for. |
| Don't take your organs to heaven with you. Heaven knows we need them here. |
| Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive. |
| Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. |
| Don't vote, it only encourages them. |
| Don't wait for people to be friendly, show them how. |
| Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. |
| Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. |
| Don't worry about avoiding temptation - as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. |
| Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. |
| Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. |
| Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. |
| DOS computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form. |
| Draft beer, not people. |
| Draft beer; not people. |
| Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't. |
| Dreams are only thoughts you didn't have time to think about during the day. |
| Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. |
| Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route. |
| Dude, marriage is the 'get out of loneliness free' card in the Monopoly game of life. |
| During a campaign the air is full of speeches - and vice versa. |
| Dust is just a country accent. |
| Each fairy breath of summer, as it blows with loveliness, inspires the blushing rose. |
| Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up. |
| Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work. |
| Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. |
| Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway. |
| Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. |
| Employment is the surest antidote to sorrow. |
| English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway. |
| Envy is a waste of time. |
| Envy slays itself by its own arrows. |
| Epigrams succeed where epics fail. |
| Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. |
| Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit. |
| Even if you've been fishing for three hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and sunburn, you're still better off than the worm. |
| Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending. |
| Every day is Earth Day. |
| Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. |
| Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. |
| Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats. |
| Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. |
| Every leader needs to look back once in a while to make sure he has followers. |
| Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul. |
| Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. |
| Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. |
| Every time someone tells me how sharp my photos are, I assume that it isn't a very interesting photograph. If it were, they would have more to say. |
| Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith. |
| Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith. |
| Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And, years later tell how they stood for hours in the cold rain just to catch a glimpse of the one who taught them to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us who keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. |
| Everybody loves some fun, back-breaking manual labor! |
| Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee. |
| Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. |
| Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't. |
| Everyone has a photographic memory, but not everyone has film. |
| Everyone has a price - mine is chocolate. |
| Everyone has certain fears, certain things that one cannot abide. |
| Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. |
| Everyone smiles in the same language. |
| Everyone's a millionaire where promises are concerned. |
| Everything in moderation, including moderation. |
| Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord! |
| Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. |
| Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. |
| Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it. |
| Eye contact is the best accessory. |
| Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. |
| Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. |
| Faith makes things possible, not easy. |
| Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts. |
| Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. |
| Fashion Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. |
| Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. |
| Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. |
| Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. |
| Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. |
| Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. |
| Fiery colors begin their yearly conquest of the hills, propelled by the autumn winds. Fall is the artist. |
| Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. |
| Fire takes no holiday. |
| Firefighters are hot stuff! |
| Firefighters save hearts and homes. |
| Firefighting - one of the few professions left that still makes house calls. |
| Firefighting is all about ass - busting ours to save yours. |
| Firelight will not let you read fine stories but it's warm and you won't see the dust on the floor. |
| Fires all go out eventually. |
| Fishing is the sport of drowning worms. |
| Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained. |
| Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped. |
| Flowers and butterflies drift in color, illuminating spring. |
| Flying is the second best thrill to cheerleaders; being caught is the first. |
| Focusing on the act of breathing clears the mind of all daily distractions and clears our energy enabling us to better connect with the Spirit within. |
| Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants. |
| Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain. |
| Fools rush in where fools have been before. |
| For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. |
| For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe. |
| For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible. |
| Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. |
| Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended playing hockey. |
| Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. |
Free Weeds
U Pick 'Em
|
| Freedom is never free. |
| Friends are kisses blown to us by angels. |
| Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. |
| Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. |
| From small beginnings come great things. |
| Games of chance are traps to catch school boy novies and gaping country squires, who begin with a guinea and end with a mortgage. |
Garden fairies come at dawn,
Bless the flowers then they're gone.
|
| Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it. |
| Gather the crumbs of happiness and they will make you a loaf of contentment. |
| Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. |
| Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. |
| Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. |
| Give blood. Play hockey. |
| Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards. |
| Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. |
| Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. |
| Go the extra mile. It's never crowded. |
| Go the extra mile. It's never crowded. |
| God always answers our prayers, but sometimes the answer is no. |
| God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces. |
| God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate. |
| God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. |
| God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. |
| God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; head you win, tail, you lose. |
| God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. |
| God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through. |
| God hides things by putting them all around us. |
| God is real, unless declared integer. |
| God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. |
| God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled. |
| God pulled an all-nighter on the sixth day. |
| God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us. |
| God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. |
| God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go. "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter. "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No, it's too hot there." "Okay," said St. Peter, "what about Earth?" "No," said God, "They're such horrible gossips. When I was there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're still talking about it. |
| God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily. |
| God's last name is not "Dammit. |
| God's last name is not "Dammit." |
| Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. |
| Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. |
| Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life. |
| Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life. |
| Gone fishin', be back at dark-thirty! |
| Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty. |
| Good company upon the road is the shortest cut. |
| Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. |
| Good fathers make good sons. |
| Good friends are like quilts - they age with you yet never lose their warmth. |
| Good habits result from resisting temptation. |
| Good things come to those who bait. |
| Grandfathers are for loving and fixing things. |
| Grandfathers are just antique little boys. |
| Grandma quilts have love in every stitch. |
| Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. |
| Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. |
| Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. |
| Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. |
| Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. |
| Grandmothers are just antique little girls. |
| Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. |
| Gratitude is the best attitude. |
| Gravity is love and every turn is a leap of faith. |
| Gray hair is a blessing - ask any bald man. |
| Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks. |
| H2O: two parts Heart and one part Obsession. |
Had Christ the death of death to death
Not given death by dying,
The gates of life had never been
To mortals open lying.
|
| Happiness arises in a state of peace, not of tumult. |
| Happiness held is the seed; happiness shared is the flower. |
| Happiness is like a kiss - it feels best when you give it to someone else. |
| Happiness is the feeling you're feeling when you want to keep feeling it. |
| Hasten slowly. |
| Hate is misguided love. |
| Have cognition before ignition. |
| Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. |
| He had found the band of jackals he needed. But as Jack McCall rode through the center of town, he experienced the terrifying certainty that a man faces when he's about to make his own name famous. He lacked both a hero's calm and a coward's resolve to survive at any price. |
| He has a head that is for rent unfurnished. |
| He that is born to be hanged shall never be drowned. |
| He was a "how" thinker, not an "if" thinker. |
| He was a true friend, he stabbed me in the front. |
| He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer. |
| He who buys what he does not need steals from himself. |
| He who can be a good son will be a good father. |
| He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. |
| He's not a Republican, he's a Republican't. |
| Health is merely the slowest way someone can die. |
| Hearing protection is a sound investment. |
| Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his little animal friends. |
| Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel. |
| Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her. |
| Here Sunday, April, 9th, 1865, after four years of heroic struggle in defense of the principles believed to be fundamental to the existence of our government, Lee surrendered 9,000 men, the remnant of an army still unconquered in spirit, to 118,000 men under Grant. |
| HERE were held thetown-meetings thatushered in the RevolutionHERE Samuel Adams, James Otisand Joseph Warren exhortedHERE the men of Boston provedthemselves independentcourageous freemenworthy to raise issueswhich were to concern theliberty and happinessof millions yet unborn |
Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!
|
| High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing... everything else is just figure skating. |
| His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea. |
His speeches to an hour-glass
Do some resemblance show
Because the longer time they run
The shallower they grow.
|
| History is herstory too. |
| History is herstory, too. |
| History teaches us the mistakes we are going to make. |
| Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. |
| Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins. |
| Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. |
| Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. |
| Home is where you can say anything you like cause nobody listens to you anyway. |
| Home is where you come when you run out of places. |
| Home is where you hang your @. |
| Honk if you hate noise pollution. |
| Hooked on Internet? Help is a just a click away. |
| Hope is grief's best music. |
| Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. |
| Horse sense, n.: Stable thinking. |
| Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. |
| Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it. |
| How can I control my life when I can't control my hair? |
| How can you explain that you need to know that the trees are still there, and the hills and the sky? Anyone knows they are. How can you say it is time your pulse responded to another rhythm, the rhythm of the day and the season instead of the hour and the minute? No, you cannot explain. So you walk. |
| How close the sexes sometimes come to one another. It is as much a matter of behaviour and the spere in which they move that separates the masculine part of humanity from the feminine. |
| How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink? |
| How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? |
| How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all colour-blind? |
| How good does a female athlete have to be before we just call her an athlete? |
| How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? |
| How many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards? You can subtract it as many times as you want, and it leaves 76 every time. |
| Hug a firefighter and feel warm all over. |
| Hug a police officer. It's the law! |
| Hug Department: Always Open |
| Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car. |
| Hugging has no unpleasant side effects and is all natural. There are no batteries to replace, it's inflation-proof and non-fattening with no monthly payments. It's non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable. |
| Hugs are the universal medicine. |
| Hugs grease the wheels of the world. |
| Humanism is optimistic regarding human nature and confident in human reason and science as the best means of reaching the goal of human fulfillment in this world. Humanists affirm that humans are a product of the same evolutionary process that produced all other living organisms and that all ideas, knowledge, values, and social systems are based upon human experience. Humanists conclude that creative ability and personal responsibility are strongest when the mind is free from supernatural belief and operates in an atmosphere of freedom and democracy. - published in Free Mind, American Humanist Association. |
| Humor is reason gone mad. |
| I am a nutritional overachiever. |
| I am having an out of money experience. |
| I am woman! I am invincible! I am pooped! |
| I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him. |
| I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent. |
| I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference. |
| I can't fly, but swimming is the next best thing.... The water is my sky. |
I cannot count my day complete
'Til needle, thread and fabric meet.
|
| I conceive that the land belongs to a vast family of which many are dead, few are living, and countless numbers are still unborn. |
| I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays. |
I could keep on scrappin'
or I could go to bed,
but then what would I do
with all these layouts in my head?
|
| I didn't know I'd have to be torn down before I could be built up. |
| I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute. |
| I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. |
| I don't discriminate - I'm an equal-opportunity hugger. |
| I don't do alcohol anymore - I get the same effect just standing up fast. |
| I don't drown my sorrows; I suffocate them with chocolate chip cookies. |
| I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine! |
| I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. |
| I don't play the field - I rule the sidelines. |
| I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. |
| I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. |
| I don't want to live in a world where I have to eat sugar-free sugar cookies. |
| I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife. |
| I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. |
| I eat everything that nature voluntarily gives: fruits, vegetables, and the products of plants. But I ask you to spare me what animals are forced to surrender: meat, milk, and cheese. |
| I feel Like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. |
| I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. |
| I get a kick out of soccer. |
| I got a sewing machine for my husband! Good trade, huh? |
| I guess staying up late is good preparation for sweet dreams. |
| I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? |
| I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time! |
| I have a warm feeling after playing with my grandchildren. It's the liniment working. |
| I have been walking onto ballfields for 16 years, and I've never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. I have had the great honor to have played with these great veteran ballplayers on my left -- Murderers Row, our championship team of 1927. I have had the further honor living and playing with these men on my right-- the Bronx Bombers, the Yankees of today. I have been given fame and undeserved praise by the boys up there behind the wire, my friends, the sports writers. I have worked under the two greatest managers of all time, Miller Huggins and Joe McCarthy. I have a mother and father who fought to give me health and a solid background in my youth. I have a wife, a companion for life, who has shown me more courage than I ever knew. People all say that I've had a bad break. But today --today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. |
| I have my own little world, but it's okay - they know me here. |
| I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but his or her entertainment value. |
| I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. |
| I just hope God does not get bored of dreaming me. |
| I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. |
| I keep my end tables full of needlework and quilting so I don't have to dust them. |
| I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! |
| I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. |
| I know love and lust don't always keep the same company. |
| I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. |
| I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. |
I like hugs and I like kisses,
But what I really love is help with the dishes!
|
| I like making a piece of string into something I can wear. |
| I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy. |
| I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! |
| I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. |
| I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. |
| I love sewing and have plenty of material witnesses. |
| I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. |
| I make serious coffee - so strong it wakes up the neighbors. |
| I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. |
| I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about. |
| I never trust people's assertions, I always judge of them by their actions. |
| I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her. |
I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her.
|
| I plan on living forever. So far, so good. |
| I plan on living forever. So far, so good. |
| I pledge allegiance to the earth and to the flora, fauna and human life that it supports, one planet indivisible, with safe air, water & soil, economic justice, equal rights and peace for all. |
| I prefer liberty with danger to peace with slavery. |
| I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night! |
I really hate this darn machine;
I wish that they would sell it.
It won't do what I want it to,
but only what I tell it.
|
| I scrapbook therefore I am - broke. |
| I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three. |
| I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. |
| I tasted too what was called the sweet of revenge - but it was transient, it expired even with the object, that provoked it. |
| I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it. |
| I think I could fall madly in bed with you. |
| I think I just ate my willpower. |
| I think the promise of fame and what it holds to you as a child and dreaming of it is not what it is. What it is, I'm not complaining about, but it's just different than the reality you dreamed. |
| I thought he was a young man of promise; but it appears he was a young man of promises. |
| I trade sweat for strength. I trade doubt for belief. I trade cheerleading for nothing. |
| I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. |
| I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. |
| I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE e. e. cummings!!!!!!! |
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...
Note easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,
Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...
Which is more important, the present or the future? |
| I was thinking about how disjointedly time seemed to flow, passing in a blur at times, with single images standing out more clearly than others. And then, at other times, every second was significant, etched in my mind. |
| I wish life had an Undo function. |
| I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work. |
| I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter! |
| I'd like mornings better if they started later. |
| I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now. |
I'd rather be stitchin'
than in the kitchen!
|
| I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter. |
| I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. |
| I'm a babe magnet... just the wrong end. |
| I'm a material girl - want to see my fabric collection? |
| I'm an incorrigible punster. Do not incorrige me. |
| I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it? |
| I'm in therapy and sewing is cheaper than a psychiatrist. |
| I'm itching to be stitching! |
| I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience. |
| I'm not a cheerleader. I'm an athletic supporter. |
| I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake. |
| I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. |
| I'm not going to quit. Why should I quit? This country is worth fighting for. |
| I'm not overweight, I'm undertall. |
| I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days. |
| I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. |
| I've fallen in love many times... always with you. |
| I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue. |
| I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it. |
| I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. |
| I've seen the elephant, and I've heard the owl, and I've been to the other side of the mountain. |
| I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted. |
| Ice hockey players can walk on water. |
| Idleness is the beginning of all vices. |
| If Rosa Parks had taken a poll before she sat down in the bus in Montgomery, she'd still be standing. |
| If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation? |
| If an artist is not able to commit himself totally to his art, how can he expect the world to do so? |
| If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment. |
| If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. |
| If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you. |
| If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
| If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. |
| If cheerleaders are so easy, why aren't you with one? |
| If cheerleading got any easier, it would be called football. |
| If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in. |
| If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? |
| If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. |
| If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic. |
| If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking. |
| If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane. |
| If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them! |
| If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution. |
| If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. |
| If I stitch fast enough, does it count as aerobic exercise? |
| If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people? |
| If investments are keeping you awake at night, sell down to the sleeping point. |
| If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee! |
| If it draws blood, it's hardware. |
| If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done. |
| If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done. |
| If love can't cure it, nurses can. |
| If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? |
| If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. |
| If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. |
| If people said what they thought, most conversations would be very brief. |
| If the author had said "Let us put on appropriate galoshes," there could, of course, have been no poem. |
If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,
it's because I have better things to do with my time.
|
| If the weak hand, that has recorded this tale, has, by its scenes, beguiled the mourner of one hour of sorrow, or, by its moral, taught him to sustain it - the effort, however humble, has not been vain, nor is the writer unrewarded. |
| If the world was flat I'd probably swim off it. |
| If there's no chocolate in heaven, I'm not going. |
| If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from? |
| If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. |
| If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? |
| If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat? |
| If we were all like angels, the world would be a heavenly place. |
| If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. |
| If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag. |
| If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. |
| If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved? |
| If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today. |
| If you aren't crashing, you aren't skiing. |
| If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? |
| If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat. |
| If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American. |
| If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American. |
| If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found. |
| If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. |
| If you don't have time to do it right you must have time to do it over. |
| If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. |
| If you don't ride in the rain, you don't ride. |
| If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow. |
| If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. |
| If you go by the book then you have no book of your own to write. |
| If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing... you have a college degree. |
| If you have a lane, you have a chance. |
| If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. |
| If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today. |
| If you keep doing things like you've always done them, what you'll get is what you've already got. |
| If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. |
| If you live in a country run by committee, be on The Committee. |
| If you marry a skier, marry tall - they walk with their knees bent ten months out of the year. |
| If you mess up, 'fess up. |
| If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi. |
| If you pick 'em up, O Lord, I'll put 'em down. |
| If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. |
| If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions. |
| If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions. |
| If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event... what kind of film would you use? |
| If you smile at someone, they might smile back. |
| If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. |
| If you think it's tough being a firefighter, try being a firefighter's wife. |
| If you want to know where God is ask a drunk. |
| If you want to ruin the truth, stretch it. |
| If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine. |
| If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is. |
| If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. |
| If you're a misfit within a group of misfits, does that mean you're actually popular and normal? |
| If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade. |
| If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. |
| If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention. |
| If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. |
| If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. |
| if(pot.coffee=EMPTY) {programmer->;brain=OFF}; |
| If, after the first twenty minutes, you don't know who the sucker at the table is, it's you. |
| Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. |
| Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. |
| In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it. |
| In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour. |
| In any other sport, if you miss the catch all you lose is the ball. |
| In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know. |
| In Arizona, shade trees are your best friends. (And occasionally the basis of small civil wars over parking.) |
| In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time. |
| In dog years, I'm dead. |
| In God we trust, all others we virus scan. |
| In his later years Pablo Picasso was not allowed to roam an art gallery unattended, for he had previously been discovered in the act of trying to improve on one of his old masterpieces. |
| In order for life to have appeared spontaneously on Earth, there first had to be hundreds of millions of protein molecules of the Ninth Configuration. But, given the size of the planet Earth, do you know how long it would take for just one of these protein molecules to appear by chance? Roughly 10 to the 243rd power, billions of years; and I find that far, far more fantastic than simply believing in a god. |
| In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. |
| In the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. |
| In the binary system we count on our fists instead of on our fingers. |
| In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there. |
| In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips. |
| In the crazy quilt of life, I'm glad you're in my block of friends. |
| In the nineteenth century men lost their fear of God and acquired a fear of microbes. |
| In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder. |
| In this world everything changes except good deeds and bad deeds; these follow you as the shadow follows the body. |
| In trying to get our own way, we should remember that kisses are sweeter than whine. |
| Indecision becomes decision with time. |
| Infinity is a floorless room without walls or ceiling. |
| Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. |
| Instead of counting your days, make your days count. |
| Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. |
| Internet users are flocking to the Vatican's new website (so they say). It turns out though, that most visitors are there to confess after visiting the Cindy Crawford site. Now, the faithful don't have to kiss the Pope's ring - you just double click on it. |
| Invest a few moments in thinking. It will pay good interest. |
| Invest a few moments in thinking. It will pay good interest. |
| Is marriage much ado about nothing - or something much to do about everything? |
| Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? |
| Is there life before death? |
| It became necessary to destroy the town to save it. |
| It frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. |
| It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. |
| It is a mistake to suppose that people succeed through success; they often succeed through failures. |
| It is a sadness of growing older that we lose our ardent appreciation of what is new and different and difficult. |
| It is all very well, when the pen flows, but then there are the dark days when imagination deserts one, and it is an effort to put anything down on paper. That little you have achieved stares at you at the end of the day, and you know the next morning you will have to scrape it down and start again. |
| It is dismal coming home, when there is nobody to welcome one! |
| It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. |
| It is kind of strange watching your personal history become costume. |
| It is not how big you are, it's how big you play. |
| It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy - the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted. |
| It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final. |
| It isn't our position but our disposition which makes us happy. |
| It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe. |
| It just wouldn't be a picnic without the ants. |
| It might be more worthwhile if we stopped wringing our hands and started ringing our congressmen. |
| It starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink. |
| It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. |
| It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home. |
| It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed. |
| It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. |
| It was a typical net.exercise - a screaming mob pounding on a greasy spot on the pavement, where used to lie the carcass of a dead horse. |
| It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on! |
| It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. |
| It would not be at all strange if history came to the conclusion that the perfection of the bicycle was the greatest incident of the nineteenth century. |
| It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. |
| It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. |
| It's really the cat's house - we just pay the mortgage. |
| It'll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers. |
| It's a good idea to begin at the bottom in everything except in learning to swim. |
| It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. |
| It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. |
| It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. |
| It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. |
| It's been told that swimming is a wimp sport, but I don't see it. We don't get timeouts, in the middle of a race we can't stop and catch our breath, we can't roll on our stomachs and lie there, and we can't ask for a substitution. |
| It's better to crash into a nap than to nap into a crash. |
| It's difficult to decide whether growing pains are something teenagers have - or are. |
| It's easier to apologize than ask for permission. |
| It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. |
| It's going to come true like you knew it, but it's not going to feel like you think. |
| It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. |
| It's not a bug - it's an undocumented feature. |
| It's not enough to have a dream,
unless you're willing to pursue it.
It's not enough to know what's right,
unless you're strong enough to do it.
It's not enough to learn the truth,
unless you also learn to live it.
It's not enough to reach for love,
unless you care enough to give it. |
| It's not what if, it's what now. |
| It's not what you wear - it's how you take it off. |
| It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. |
| It's really the cat's house - we just pay the mortgage. |
| It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you. |
| It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest. |
| It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the world calls her grandmother. |
| Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them. |
| Joy is a flower that blooms when you do. |
| Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. |
| Jumping for joy is good exercise. |
| Just as pieces stitched together in a quilt warm our bodies, scrapbooks bind together memories to warm our hearts. |
| Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. |
| Just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you are one. |
| Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. |
| Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens. |
| Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. |
| Keep the paint up, and the rubber down! |
| Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. |
| Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them. |
| Kindness is the greatest wisdom. |
| Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. |
| Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. |
| Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. |
| Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back. |
| Kittens are angels with whiskers. |
| Know safety, no injury. No safety, know injury. |
| Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them. |
| Know your limits... but never stop trying to exceed them. |
| Knowledge is haunted by the ghost of past opinion. |
| Later never exists. |
| Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense. |
| Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color. |
| Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. |
| Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. |
| Law: the only game where the best players get to sit on the bench. |
| Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer. |
| Let books be your dining table,
And you shall be full of delights
Let them be your mattress
And you shall sleep restful nights. |
Let books be your dining table,
And you shall be full of delights
Let them be your mattress
And you shall sleep restful nights.
|
| Let me ask you something, what is not art? |
| Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. |
| Life is a song. Love is the music. |
| Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. |
| Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. |
| Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up. |
| Life is not a final. It's daily pop quizzes. |
| Life is simple, its just not easy. |
| Life is simply a cricket match, with temptation as the bowler. |
| Life would be much easier if I had the source code. |
| Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life. |
| Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them. |
| Light travels faster than sound. That's why most people seem bright until you hear them speak. |
| Light travels faster than sound. That's why most people seem bright until you hear them speak. |
| Living involves tearing up one rough draft after another. |
| Long John Willoughby "John Doe," played by Gary Cooper in the movie, Meet John Doe |
| Losers quit when they're tired. Winners quit when they've won. |
| Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
| Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics. |
| Love is a verb. |
| Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes. |
| Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. |
| Love is blind; hate is deaf. |
| Love is like a butterfly: It goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes. |
| Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. |
| Love is nothing in tennis, but in life it's everything. |
| Love is the thread that binds us. |
| Love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image... otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. |
| Love is to the heart what the summer is to the farmer's year - it brings to harvest all the loveliest flowers of the soul. |
| Love someone who doesn't deserve it. |
| Love, she said, should be said more slowly, and ran from the house. Words could not catch her as such. Honesty is so slow, that is the trouble. |
| Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it. |
| Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer. |
| Luck runs out but safety is good for life. |
| Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers. |
| Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. |
| Maintenance is as much art as it is science. |
| Make your optimism come true. |
| Man - despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments - owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains. |
| Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can. |
| Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. |
| Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage. |
| Man is inclined to exaggerate almost everything - except his own mistakes. |
| Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds. |
Man's pity for himself, or for his son,
Always premising that said son at college
Has not contracted much more debt than knowledge.
|
| Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers. |
| Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at. |
| Many of us believe that wrongs aren't wrong if it's done by nice people like ourselves. |
| Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. |
| May all your weeds be wildflowers. |
| May no portent of evil be attached to the words I say. |
| May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! |
| May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters. |
May you live to be a hundred years
With one extra year to repent.
|
| May your bobbin always be full! |
| Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ... everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. |
| Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman. |
| Memories are stitched with love. |
| Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. |
| Men fight for freedom, then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from themselves. |
| Michael:
This used to be my father's old study -- it's changed. I remember there used to be a big desk, right here. I remember when I was a kid, Frankie, we had to be very quiet when we played near here. I was very happy that this house never went to strangers -- first Clemenza took it over, now you. My father taught me many things here -- he taught me in this room...
(then, as Michael sits beside Pentangeli)
He taught me -- keep your friends close but your enemies closer. |
| Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1. |
| Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places. |
| Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever - but would rather not. |
| Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. |
| Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. |
| Midnight bugs taste best. |
| Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. |
| Modesty: The art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are. |
| Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life. |
| Monday's child is fair in face,Tuesday's child is full of grace,Wednesday's child is full of woe,Thursday's child has far to go,Friday's child is loving and giving,Saturday's child works hard for its living;And a child that's born on a Christmas day,Is fair and wise, good and gay. |
| Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. |
| Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. |
| Money may talk, but chocolate sings. |
| Most bicyclists in New York City obey instinct far more than they obey the traffic laws, which is to say that they run red lights, go the wrong way on one-way streets, violate cross-walks, and terrify innocents, because it just seems easier that way. Cycling in the city, and particularly in midtown, is anarchy without malice. |
| Most management-speak is, as Schrijvers points out, Panglossian balderdash designed to lull the weak and credulous—the feeble-minded, the nice—into a position of supine docility. |
| Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle. |
| Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions. |
| Most people wish to serve God - but only in an advisory capacity. |
| Most smiles are started by another smile. |
| Mother Nature is wonderful. Children get too old for piggy-back rides just about the same time they get too heavy for them. |
| Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers. |
| Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. |
| Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes. |
| Mountains inspire awe in any human person who has a soul. They remind us of our frailty, our unimportance, of the briefness of our span upon this earth. They touch the heavens, and sail serenely at an altitude beyond even the imaginings of a mere mortal. |
| Music is what feelings sound like. |
| My blood type is Folgers. |
| My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. |
| My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. |
| My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am. |
| My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't play my Game Boy?" |
| My grandmother made me a scrapbook because I was once too young to remember; I am making scrapbooks for my family because one day I may be too old to remember. |
| My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Gramma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. |
| My husband is a human pincushion. |
| My husband lets me have all the scrapbooking supplies I can hide. |
| My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. |
| My karma ran over your dogma. |
| My life is like a zombie movie! I survive game after game after game, but the football just keeps coming! The only way to stop team sports is to aim for the head. |
| My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. |
| Nature never goes out of style. |
| Neither enemy faces, nor the mothers that love them, come to mind when one is thinking of nothing but endeavouring to survive. Philosophising about war is useless under fire. |
| Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. |
| Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. |
| Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic. |
| Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. |
| Never fight fire from ego. |
| Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. |
| Never let a win get to your head, or a loss to your heart. |
| Never let the hand you hold, hold you down. |
| Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. |
| Never lose hope. |
| Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. |
| Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly. |
| Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting. |
| Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting." |
Never wait until tomorrow to hug someone you could hug today,
because when you give one, you get one right back your way.
|
| Night is the blotting paper for many sorrows. |
| No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet. |
| No God, no peace. Know God, know peace. |
No heaven will not ever Heaven be
Unless my cats are there to welcome me.
|
| No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session. |
| No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step. |
| No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. |
| No matter where you live, brothers are brothers and sisters are sisters. The bonds that keep family close are the same no matter where you are. |
| No one is free when others are oppressed. |
| No one is listening until you fart. |
| No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers. |
No painter's brush, nor poet's pen
In justice to her fame
Has ever reached half high enough
To write a mother's name.
|
| No pillow so soft as God's promise. |
| No scrap of paper bigger than my smallest Punch shall be thrown away. |
| Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. |
| Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. |
| None are so blind as those who will not see. |
| Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. |
| Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom. |
| Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. |
| Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught. |
| Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. |
| Nurses are I.V. leaguers. |
| Nurses are patient people. |
| Nurses are the heartbeat of health care. |
| Nurses can take the pressure. |
| Nurses don't wait until October to celebrate Make a Difference Day - they make a difference every day! |
| Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection. |
October's child is born for woe,
And life's vicissitudes must know;
But lay an Opal on her breast,
And hope will lull those woes to rest.
|
| Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure. |
| Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force? |
| Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. |
| Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. |
| Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? |
| Old card players never die, they just shuffle away. |
| On The Edge of destiny, you must test your strength. |
| Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. |
| One bright day in the middle of night two dead boys rose to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and saved the lives of the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too. |
| One day I'm going to get help for my procrastination problem. |
| One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this. |
| One of the best things people can have up their sleeve is a funny bone |
| One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured. |
| One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten photo out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photo out of focus are a style. |
| One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why. |
| One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why. |
| One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his tongue. |
| One thousand Americans stop smoking every day - by dying. |
| One way to stop people from jumping down your throat is to keep your mouth shut. |
| One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love. |
| Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. |
| Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. |
| Opportunities are never lost; someone will take the one you miss. |
| Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards. |
| Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. |
| Our blunders mostly come from letting our wishes interpret our duties. |
| Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. |
| Our job is not to make up anybody's mind, but to open minds and to make the agony of the decision-making so intense you can escape only by thinking. |
| Our lives are like quilts - bits and pieces, joy and sorrow, stitched with love. |
| Our love could change the orbit of the earth. So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind. |
| Our love could change the orbit of the earth. So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind. |
| Our roots say we're sisters, our hearts say we're friends. |
| Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat. |
| Oxygen is overrated. |
| Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever. |
| Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. |
| Pain is just weakness leaving the body. |
| Pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to quit. |
| Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them... he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?" God said, "I did do something. I made you." |
| Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. |
| Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off. |
| Patience is the art of finding something else to do. |
| Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God. |
| Peace on the outside comes from knowing God on the inside. |
| People are always ready to admit a man's ability after he gets there. |
| People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. |
| People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. |
| People ask why I skip and I give the incomparable reason of "why not?" |
| People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. |
| People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross. |
| People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be. |
| People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do. |
| People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren't so crazy about the first time around. |
| People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women. |
| People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women. |
| People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole shaped. |
| People who snore always fall asleep first. |
| Personal protective equipment is self-defense. |
| Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. |
| Philosophy is nothing but common sense in a dress suit. |
| Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. |
| Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. |
| Physical strength is measured by what we can carry; spiritual by what we can bear. |
| Physicians and politicians resemble one another in this respect, that some defend the constitution and others destroy it. |
| Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone. |
| Plant carrots in January and you'll never have to eat carrots. |
| Play the music, not the instrument. |
| Players: A vital part of any sporting event, they entertain the crowd in the intervals between timeouts so the cheerleaders can take a well-earned break. |
| Playing with fire is bad for those who burn themselves. For the rest of us, it is a very great pleasure. |
| Please be patient. God has not finished with me yet. |
| Please don't feed the dust bunnies. |
| Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. |
| Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. |
| Poverty cannot deprive us of many consolations. It cannot rob us of the affection we have for each other, or degrade us in our own opinion, of in that of any person, whose opinion we ought to value. |
| Practice fire safety - watch what you heat. |
| Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God. |
| Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent. |
| Primitive does not mean stupid. |
| Principles only mean something when you stick to them when its inconvenient. |
| Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. |
| Procrastination is suicide on the installment plan. |
| Programmer - an organism that turns coffee into software. |
| Programming languages should be designed not by piling feature on top of feature, but by removing the weaknesses and restrictions that make additional features appear necessary. |
| Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning. |
| Programs for sale: fast, reliable, cheap - choose two. |
| Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise. |
| Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. |
| Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. |
| Put your future in good hands - your own. |
| Quilt 'til you wilt. |
| Quilters know all the angles. |
| Quilters never cut corners. |
| Quilters never grow old, they just go to pieces. |
| Racial superiority is a mere pigment of the imagination. |
| Raindrops are like fairy whispers. |
| RAM disk is not an installation procedure. |
| Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development. |
| Reality bites... and doesn't let go. |
| Reality is a palette that humans paint on to let themselves sleep better at night. |
| Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat. |
| Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat. |
| Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. |
| Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. |
| Religion is a man using a divining rod. Philosophy is a man using a pick and shovel. |
| Religion is a man using a divining rod. Philosophy is a man using a pick and shovel. |
| Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings! |
| Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught? |
| Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. |
| Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg. |
| Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. |
| Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. |
| Respecting yourself means listening to your body and emotions continuously. Then acting beyond a linear logic to achieve ones goals. |
| Retirement is one great big giant coffee break. |
| Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends. |
| RISING.SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep? |
| Safety doesn't happen by accident. |
| Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. |
| Safety is as simple as ABC - Always Be Careful. |
| Safety isn't expensive, its priceless. |
| Safety means first aid to the uninjured. |
| Safety never takes a holiday. |
| Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit. |
| Save a tree. Eat a beaver. |
| Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. |
| School's out, Memories past, Don't ever doubt, Our friendship will last. |
| Scientists should always state the opinions upon which their facts are based. |
| Scrapbooking is cheaper than a therapist. |
| Self-respect is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has a price. |
| Seven days of no swimming makes one weak. |
| Seventy-five percent of our planet is water - can you swim? |
| Sewing fills my days, not to mention the living room, bedroom, and closets. |
| Sewing forever, housework whenever. |
| Sewing mends the soul. |
| Sewing: A creative mess is better than tidy idleness. |
| Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. |
| Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. |
| Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. |
| Sexism is a social disease. |
| Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. |
| Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. |
| Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. |
| Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed. |
Sister to sister we will always be,
A couple of nuts off the family tree.
|
| Sisters are blossoms in the garden of life. |
| Sisters are different flowers from the same garden. |
| Sisters may share the same mother and father but appear to come from different families. |
| Skiing is the only sport where you spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. |
| Skiing: the art of catching cold and going broke while rapidly heading nowhere at great personal risk. |
| Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying. |
| Skip like the wind! |
| Skipping is inner joy and outer joy. |
| Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy. |
| Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. |
| Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death. |
| Sleep: a poor substitute for caffeine. |
| Smile - it increases your face value. |
| Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth. |
Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.
|
| Smiling is my favorite exercise. |
| Snow: a form of precipitation that usually occurs three weeks prior to and the morning of your departure from your ski vacation. |
| Snowflakes are kisses from heaven. |
| Snowmen fall from heaven... unassembled. |
| So many pictures, so little time! |
| So much fabric, so little time! Or, sew much fabric, sew little time! |
| Society is a made-up formula of what we are supposed to be, kept alive by those who believe in it.... I laugh in the ugly face of society, with all its fabricated dimensions. |
| Some children's answers to church school questions - from the Church of England: |
| Some citizens are so good that nothing a leader can do will make them better. Others are so incorrigible that nothing can be done to improve them. But the great bulk of the people go with the moral tide of the moment. The leader must help create that tide. |
| Some folks wear their halos much too tight. |
| Some leaders are born women. |
| Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house. |
| Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. |
| Some people can hack it, others can't. |
| Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. |
| Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives. |
| Some people own cats and go on to lead normal lives. |
| Some people talk about finding God - as if He could get lost. |
| Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought. |
| Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. |
| Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. |
| Some pursue happiness, others create it. |
| Some relationships start with fights... But, usually only in romantic comedies. Life's not the movies. |
| Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. |
| Someday is not a day of the week. |
| Someone doing it often interrupts the person saying it cannot be done. |
| Sometimes God calms the storm. At other times, he calms the sailor. And sometimes he makes us swim. |
| Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. |
| Sometimes it is useful to know how large your zero is. |
| Sometimes it's better to put love into hugs than to put it into words. |
| Sometimes the best man for the job isn't. |
| Sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stopped telling them. |
| Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack. |
| Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack. |
| Sometimes the majority just means all the idiots are on the same side. |
| Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. |
| Sometimes your body is smarter than you are. |
| Son, you outgrew my lap, but never my heart. |
| Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. |
| Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. |
| Soup is liquid comfort. |
Sow a thought and you reap an action;
sow an act and you reap a habit;
sow a habit and you reap a character;
sow a character and you reap a destiny. |
| Spirituality is... the awareness that survival is the savage fight between you and yourself. |
| Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart. |
| Spread your wings and let the fairy in you fly! |
Spring is not the best of seasons.
Cold and flu are two good reasons;
wind and rain and other sorrow,
warm today and cold tomorrow.
|
| Statistics can be made to prove anything - even the truth. |
| Stitch your stress away. |
| Strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company. |
| Strangers are just friends waiting to happen. |
| Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street. |
| Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street. |
| Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! |
| Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport. |
| Stupid people surround themselves with smart people. Smart people surround themselves with smart people who disagree with them. |
| Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! |
| Success comes in cans, not cant's. |
| Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan. |
| Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get. |
| Such is the inconsistency of real love, that it is always awake to suspicion, however unreasonable; always requiring new assurances from the object of its interest. |
| Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. |
| Swallow your pride occasionally, it's non-fattening! |
| Swimming - what real men do while boys play football. |
| Swimming: From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it. |
| Symptoms of Inner Peace |
| Take care of the earth and she will take care of you. |
| Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise. |
| Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise. |
| Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. |
| Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension. |
| Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension. |
| Tea is a cup of life. |
| Teachers who inspire know that teaching is like cultivating a garden, and those who would have nothing to do with thorns must never attempt to gather flowers. |
| Teachers who inspire realize there will always be rocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how we use them. |
| Teaching is the profession that teaches all the other professions. |
| Teaching should be full of ideas instead of stuffed with facts. |
| Television has changed a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object. |
| Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there. |
| Tennis begins with love. |
Thank God for dirty dishes,
they have a tale to tell;
while others may go hungry,
we're eating very well.
|
That I could clamber to the frozen moon
And draw the ladder after me.
|
| The advent of electronic mail is fostering a revival of "the familiar letter." |
| The alternative to a vacation is to stay home and tip every third person you see. |
| The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. |
| The average teenager still has all the faults his parents outgrew. |
| The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. |
| The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. |
| The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome. |
| The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. |
| The best answer to anger is silence. |
| The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead. |
| The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead. |
| The best fertilizer is the gardener's shadow. |
| The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. |
| The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head. |
| The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. |
| The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them. |
| The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. |
| The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1. |
| The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash. |
| The best way out of a problem is through it. |
| The best way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly. |
| The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do. |
| The best way to get something done is to begin. |
| The best way to knock the chip off your neighbor's shoulder is to pat him on the back. |
| The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. |
| The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. |
| The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. |
| The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. |
| The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg. |
| The Christian Right is neither. |
| The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. |
| The creation of art is not the fulfillment of a need but the creation of a need. The world never needed Beethoven's Fifth Symphony until he created it. Now we could not live without it. |
| The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on. |
| The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. |
| The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. |
| The dog is the only animal that has seen his god. |
| The door to safety swings on the hinges of common sense. |
| The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. |
| The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. |
| The easiest way to keep a secret is without help. |
| The easiest way to save face is to keep the lower half shut. |
| The first rule of life is to reveal nothing, to be exceptionally cautious in what you say, in whatever company you may find yourself. If you have a secret, you have only to whisper it to your dearest friend with the strictest injunction that it will go no further, and within half a day the story is all over town, and when you do make what would seem to be a perfectly sensible remark, you will find it reported in the most grotesque form, thus incurring no end of criticism to rebound upon you. |
| The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. |
| The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. |
| The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests. |
| The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart. |
| The goal is not to change your subjects, but for the subject to change the photographer. |
| The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it. |
| The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don't have to gain, develop, or attain them. We're like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don't need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are -- as soon as we quit pretending we're small or unholy. |
The greatest gift I ever had
Came from God; I call him Dad!
|
| The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground. |
| The human mind has never invented a labor-saving machine equal to algebra. |
| The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. |
| The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man. |
| The impossible can always be broken down into possibilities. |
| The inability to make a decision has often been passed off as patience. |
| The Internet is a shallow and unreliable electronic repository of dirty pictures, inaccurate rumors, bad spelling and worse grammar, inhabited largely by people with no demonstrable social skills. |
| The Internet is full. Go away. |
| The Internet is the most powerful magnifier of slack ever invented. |
The journey of a thousand miles
starts from beneath your feet.
NOTE: Other translations exist, such as:
"Great trees grow from the smallest shoots;
a terraced garden, from a pile of earth,
and a journey of a thousand miles
begins by taking the initial step." |
| The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. |
| The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. |
| The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory. |
| The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it. |
| The more chance there is of stubbing your toe, the more chance you have of stepping into success. |
| The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle. |
| The most beautiful view is the one I share with you. |
| The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore. |
| The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. |
| The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory, in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system. "But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil." Matthew 5:37 |
| The oaks and the pines, and their brethren of the wood, have seen so many suns rise and set, so many seasons come and go, and so many generations pass into silence, that we may well wonder what "the story of the trees" would be to us if they had tongues to tell it, or we ears fine enough to understand. |
| The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. |
| The only cure for seasickness is to sit on the shady side of an old brick church in the country. |
| The only difference between Graffiti and philosophy is the word "fuck. |
| The only difference between Graffiti and philosophy is the word "fuck." |
| The only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys. |
| The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck! |
| The only good thing about punctuality is that it usually gets you an apology. |
| The only man who sticks closer to you in adversity than a friend is a creditor. |
| The only real diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. |
| The only successful substitute for brains is silence. |
| The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm. |
| The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished. |
| The ornaments of your house will be the guests who frequent it. |
| The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. |
| The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse. |
| The poor are poor because the rich are rich. |
| The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back. |
| The Procrastinator's Creed: |
| The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money. |
| The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells." |
| The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. |
| The race is not always to the Swift, but to those who keep on running. |
| The rainy days a man saves for usually seem to arrive during his vacation. |
| The real danger is the gradual erosion of individual liberties through automation, integration, and interconnection of many small, separate record-keeping systems, each of which alone may seem innocuous, even benevolent, and wholly justifiable. |
| The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. |
| The Realm of Fairy is a strange shadow land, lying just beyond the fields we know. |
| The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. |
| The referees have always been blind, it's our job to make them deaf. |
| The refreshing pleasure from the first view of nature, after the pain of illness, and the confinement of a sick-chamber, is above the conceptions, as well as the descriptions, of those in health. |
| The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. |
| The safest risk is the one you didn't take. |
| The same media people that claim violence on TV doesn't influence people, are perfectly willing to sell you advertising time. |
| The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you just learned this morning. |
| The shortest distance between two people is a smile. |
| The signs of the zodiac are karmic patterns; the planets are the looms; the will is the weaver. |
| The ski bum trades security for face shots, the future for the moment. Considering how hollow the promise of a corporate career has become, who can say the ski bum is not the wiser investor in his or her youth? |
| The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up. |
| The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. |
| The stars are the street lights of eternity. |
| The sun is bright and the powder bitchin'. |
| The three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. |
| The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. |
| The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed. |
| The trouble with living alone is that it's always your turn to do the dishes. |
| The trouble with the laws these days is that criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. |
| The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes first and then the lesson. |
| The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success. |
| The two rules of procrastination: 1)Do it today. 2)Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. |
| The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure. |
| The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. |
| The Virgin Mary was an unwed teenage mother. |
| The wise still seek Him. |
| The words you choose to say something are just as important as the decision to speak. |
| The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. |
| Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture. |
| There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't. |
| There are always three sides to every story: your side, the other side, and the truth. |
| There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen. |
| There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. |
| There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor. |
| There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance. |
| There are no pockets in a shroud. |
| There are so many men who can figure costs, and so few who can measure values. |
| There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. |
| There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August. |
| There are three religious truths: 1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. |
| There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus. |
| There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. |
| There is a lot more juice in grapefruit than meets the eye. |
| There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. |
| There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. |
| There is but one good throw upon the dice, which is, to throw them away. |
| There is no 'I' in 'team.' |
| There is no better friend than a sister. And there is no better sister than you. |
| There is no halftime for cheerleaders! |
| There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock. |
| There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. |
| There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream. |
| There is nothing better than birthday cake. It's like a slice of concentrated love with buttercream frosting. |
| There is nothing worse in this world than wasted talent. |
| There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that twenty years won't cure. |
| There is only one way to cheer - hard! |
| There is some comfort in dying surrounded by one's children. |
| There is some magic in wealth, which can thus make persons pay their court to it, when it does not even benefit themselves. How strange it is, that a fool or knave, with riches, should be treated with more respect by the world, than a good man, or a wise man in poverty! |
| There may be dust in my house but there isn't any on me. |
| There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. |
There was a young man from Trinity,
Who solved the square root of infinity.
While counting the digits,
He was seized by the fidgets,
Dropped science, and took up divinity.
|
| There's more to the truth than just the facts. |
| There's no place like home except Grandma's. |
| There's no waiting for friends on a powder day. |
| There's nothing wrong with me a little ice cream won't fix. |
| There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. |
| These are times in which a genius would wish to live. It is not in the still calm of life, or in the repose of a pacific station, that great challenges are formed. . . . Great necessities call out great virtues. |
| They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. |
| They say love is around every corner. I must be walking in circles. |
| They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. |
| They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. |
| They turned the country up on its side, and everything loose fell into California. |
| Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player. |
| This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning. |
| This house is protected by killer dust bunnies. |
| This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anyone could have. |
| This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anyone could have. |
| This is the first convention of the space age - where a candidate can promise the moon and mean it. |
| This mess is a place! |
| Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. |
| Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software. |
| Those that say you can't take it with you never saw a car packed for a vacation trip. |
| Those who believe money can do everything are frequently prepared to do everything for money. |
| Those who complain how the ball bounces are often the ones who dropped it. |
| Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it. |
| Those who hear not the music. . . think the dancers mad. |
| Those who sleep under a quilt, sleep under a blanket of love. |
| Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. |
| Though the vicious can sometimes pour affliction upon the good, their power is transient and their punishment certain; and that innocence, though oppressed by injustice, shall, supported by patience, finally triumph over misfortune! |
| Three wise men - are you serious? |
| Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana. |
| Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. |
| Time wastes our bodies and our wits, but we waste time, so we are quits. |
| To a runner, a side stich is like a car alarm. It signifies something is wrong, but you ignore it until it goes away. |
| To be a fashionable woman is to know yourself, know what you represent, and know what works for you. To be "in fashion" could be a disaster on 90 percent of women. You are not a page out of Vogue. |
| To become a father is not difficult, but to be a father is. |
| To crop or not to crop, that is the question. |
| To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon. |
| To learn about eye protection, ask someone who has one. |
| To make a criticism is a bit like complaining about the shape of the Pyramids. |
| To most of you, your neighbor is a stranger, a guy with a barking dog and a high fence around him. Now you can't be a stranger to any guy who's on your own team. So tear down the fence that separates you, tear down the fence and you'll tear down a lot of hates and prejudices. Tear down all the fences in the country and you'll really have teamwork. |
| To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. |
| To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. |
| Today is the last day of some of your life. |
| Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. |
| Today's subliminal thought is: |
| Tomorrow - your reward for working safely today. |
| Traveler: "God has been mighty good to your fields, Mr. Farmer."
Farmer: "You should have seen how he treated them when I wasn't around. |
| Traverse: One of two ways to stop while skiing. Tree: The other method. |
| Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. |
| Trigonometry is a sine of the times. |
| Troubles are a lot like people - they grow bigger if you nurse them. |
| True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. |
| True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall - but you are there to catch them. |
| Truth fears no questions. |
| Turn right, turn left, repeat as necessary. |
| TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn't time for it. |
| TV. If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they'll have with twenty-six. Open your child's imagination. Open a book. |
| TV. If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they'll have with twenty-six. Open your child's imagination. Open a book. |
| Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer. |
| Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway - it's an attitude. |
| Ultimate office automation - networked coffee machines. |
| Unless we change direction, we are likely to end up where we are going. |
| Unsafe acts will keep you in stitches. |
| Up to five goals is journalism. After that, it becomes statistics. |
| Up to five goals is journalism. After that, it becomes statistics. |
| Use disappointments as material for patience. |
| Useful and ornamental needlework, knitting, and netting are capable of being made, not only sources of personal gratification, but of high moral benefit, and the means of developing in surpassing loveliness and grace, some of the highest and noblest feelings of the soul. |
| Vacation used to be a luxury, but in today's world it has become a necessity. |
| Vacation: a period of travel and relaxation when you take twice the clothes and half the money you need. |
| Vegetarians taste better. |
| Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around. |
| Volunteer firemen do it for free! |
| Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. |
| Warning: the Internet may contain traces of nuts. |
| We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. |
| We are all manufacturers - some make good, others make trouble, and still others make excuses. |
| We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse. |
| We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse. |
| We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. |
| We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse. |
| We can often endure an extra pound of pain far more easily than we can suffer the withdrawal of an ounce of accustomed pleasure. |
| We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. |
| We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. |
| We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. |
| We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves. |
| We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? |
| We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. |
| We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. |
| We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. |
| We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. |
| We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success. |
| We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. |
| We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves. |
| We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved. |
| We seem as a nation to be suffering from a mania for play. The huge development of pleasure-chasing automobiles merely symbolizes our universal restless eagerness to be running after something, anything, that we can classify as diversion. Under pressure from tormenting constituents our legislatures are piling up holidays. And the cry of labor everywhere is "Cut down hours; cut down hours," until it seems as if brief, tired minutes were all that would be left for work. The obvious deduction is that work is always something to be got rid of, as if it were a curse. Yet life is work. |
| We swim because we are too sexy for a sport that requires clothes. |
| We will make them think it's their idea. That's how all great leaders fool people. |
| We'd all be worse without a nurse. |
| We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it. |
| Wear a smile - one size fits all. |
| Weave in faith and God will find the thread. |
| Wedlock or deadlock? That is the question! |
| Weed 'em and reap. |
| Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray. |
| Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray. |
| Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck. |
| What a beautiful, sunny morning. It makes you happy to be alive, doesn't it? We can't let the sun outshine us! We have to beam, too! |
| What a wonderful thing is the mail, capable of conveying across continents a warm human hand-clasp. |
| What are riches - grandeur - health itself, to the luxury of a pure conscience, the health of the soul; - and what the sufferings of poverty, disappointment, despair - to the anguish of an afflicted one! |
| What boots up must come down. |
| What goes around comes around, just like a flip turn. |
| What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps? |
| What happens to the wide-eyed observer when the window between reality and unreality breaks and the glass begins to fly? |
| What has a man's face to do with his character? Can a man of good character help having a disagreeable face? |
| What I need to live has been given to me by the earth. Why I need to live has been given to me by you. |
What is a firefighter?
He's the guy next door....
He's a guy like you and me with warts and worries and unfulfilled dreams.
Yet he stands taller than most of us.
He's a fireman....
A fireman is at once the most fortunate and the least fortunate of men.
He's a man who saves lives because he has seen too much death.
He's a gentle man because he has seen the awesome power of violence out of control.
He's responsive to a child's laughter because his arms have held too many small bodies that will never laugh again....
He doesn't preach the brotherhood of man.
He lives it.
|
| What is right for one couple is wrong for another. I would say that there are many more important factors to a happy marriage. |
| What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. |
| What this planet needs is more mistletoe and less missile-talk. |
| What you call a hero, I call just doing my job. |
| Whatever it is, it's better in the wind. |
| When Gandhi was asked what he thought of Western civilization, he said, "It would be nice." |
| When Jesus comes, the shadows depart. |
| When a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose? |
| When a diplomat says yes he means perhaps; when he says perhaps he means no; when he says no he is no diplomat. |
| When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. |
| When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. |
| When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. |
| When a programming language is created that allows programmers to program in simple English, it will be discovered that programmers cannot speak English. |
| When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: "I wish no gifts, only presence." |
| When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep. |
When fire is cried and danger is neigh,
"God and the firemen" is the people's cry;
But when 'tis out and all things righted,
God is forgotten and the firemen slighted.
|
| When God made the oyster, he guaranteed his absolute economic and social security. He built the oyster a house, his shell, to shelter and protect him from his enemies.... But when God made the Eagle, He declared, "The blue sky is the limit-build your own house!".... The Eagle, not the oyster, is the emblem of America. |
| When Hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too. |
| When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past. |
| When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. |
| When I glimpse the backs of women's knees I seem to hear the first movement of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. |
| When I learned to sew, I forgot how to cook. |
| When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading. |
| When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world. |
| When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world. |
| When it comes to skiing, there's a difference between what you think it's going to be like, what it's really like, and what you tell your friends it was like. |
| When life gives you scraps, make something with them. |
| When life throws you scraps, make a quilt. |
| When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. |
| When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will. |
| When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return. |
| When one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made. |
| When one can hear people moving, one does not so much mind, about one's fears. |
| When safety is a factor, call in a contractor. |
| When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. |
| When the earth floods from global warming, the swimmers will rule the world. |
| When the horse is dead, get off. |
| When the mind has once begun to yield to the weakness of superstition, trifles impress it with the force of conviction. |
| When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. |
| When the problem is not so much resisting temptation as finding it, you may just be getting older. |
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
|
| When we lose God, it is not God who is lost. |
| When we put our cares in His hands, He puts His peace in our hearts. |
| When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. |
| When you blame others, you give up your power to change. |
| When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own. |
| When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long. |
| When you gamble with safety, you bet your life. |
| When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the fire. |
| When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. |
| When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing. |
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